Deception

NOTE:This is NOT a work of Fiction 

It was like any other day of my life, as I got down to doing what I'm best at - sitting with books and staring at the wall. I thought I needed a change of place, probably because there was nothing left in the wall to stare. So, I gathered my stuff and went to the nearest medical shop to study as the person there was very hospitable and always had a room for me to spare.

I walked in, dumped all my stuff on the bed and started reading that day’s New York Times, which was filled with articles congratulating Rahul Gandhi on becoming the CM of West Bengal and Sania Mirza on winning the F1 Grand Prix. I thought that would pep up my mood to prepare for my exams which were a light year away, but, sadly enough that just made my mind crave for more relaxation.

I checked my pockets to see if I was carrying my iPad but to my dismay I wasn’t. I only had my smart phone in my wallet. I snapped it out, and went through my contacts and finally zeroed on calling Michael Obama just to check on how he was doing at his summer house in Somalia after his successful third term as the President of USA. The call wasn't put through and my phone displayed an error message saying 'Out of panels'. It was then I realized that the Airtel International Space Station hadn't still replaced the solar panels on my individual satellite which handled my communications. I wasn't in the mood to configure my phone on my mother’s satellite, so I thought I'd take a stroll on the Hyderabad Marine Drive.

As I stepped out, it started snowing heavily but I continued to walk. The heaters along the path were melting all snow and absorbing it, keeping the path clearer. There wasn't much road/air traffic as it was a weekend and a political party called for a Telangana bandh.

After walking for a while I decided to have a quick bite and walked into new Floating Pizza Hut which was built on the purified Tank Bund which would float along with the Buddha statue on the lake. At the entrance I was greeted by a tall blue creature, scantly clothed and as I walked in, I was wondering 'Where the hell on the planet are they from'. And to my surprise there were more such people inside, going around with trays. A banner at the entrance read 

'Weekend special! Get ready to be served by the Na'vi from Pandora! Also enjoy our forest special theme with live forest sounds in the background! Coming up next weekend: Mars special with Aliens'

I was lead to a single table in the heterosexual section which was along a window looking over the lake. The background had the rusting sound of the leaves, chirping birds and an occasional roar of a Lion. Looking down, I could see a Shark in the lake gliding along idly and two dolphins jumping around at a distance. I ordered for my food and was waiting for it to be served, when I spotted Rahul Mahajan and Rakhi Sawanth sitting across my table, sorting the cocaine into lines and taking turns in snorting them.

My food arrived after few minutes and I ate it in silence enjoying everything (except the drug people around me). I swiped my Aadhar Card for my bill, left a tip of £1 for the Na'vi and left the place.

I walked back to the medical shop and as I entered the room, the guy at the counter said 'Your father came searching for you. He asked you to come home as early as possible.'

I walked back to my house. I took the elevator to '-3rd floor' and as I opened the door of my house, I found my Dad sitting on the water couch, watching TV. He asked me where I was and as I was talking to him, I could hear my phone ringing. For a moment I thought that it was a test call from the AISS but then I realized that it was the tone set for my Dads call. Confused, I looked at him and found him staring at me without anything in his hand and his phone floating in the magnetic field next to him. Bewildered and still confused I answered the call….

'He-He-Hello'

'Hello! What took you so long to answer the phone!?'

'I-You-Were Talking......'

'Were you sleeping?'

'Sleeping? (Shit)I think I was'

'Why now? Anyway, don't forget to get my medicines today'

'Aa? OK OK.'

'And get up and wash your face. You are left with only a month for your exams'

'Light year......'

'What?'

'I mean, one month.30 days. No, 31 days.'

'Looks like you have slept a lot. You're totally out of your mind. Go have some coffee'

'I just had Pizza I guess....'

'No you didn't. You were probably dreaming.'

With that kick, I snapped back to reality.

--->KN

Studying means you'll keep asking?

OK Boss. Agreed. You are all settled in your life and you’re earning money. That means you’ll always ask me about my exams aa? Arey! In house only I’m trying hard to avoid this means, you’re another person aa? You didn't feel bad when people asked you the same question when you were studying? Revenge on next generation kya?

I know ki there is a lot of portion and also no time! We are breaking our heads and still not able to study. So many distractions we have! You don’t no? In your time you didn’t know meaning of entertainment only. Do you know what Internet means? Maximum you had dial up connection. To open email only it would take ages and ages. You would open it to check if your uncle from US mailed you because you told him to get Snickers and Wrigley’s while coming.  Also no Facebook or Twitter, or mobile. And if you spoke to girls,it was bad. People would think there was something something between you both and do 'flames'. Also your Mummy and Daddy used to make their eyes big if you spoke about them in your house. I know.

Now it's all different! We have broadband internet and so much to do! We have Facebook and Twitter accounts, blogs, mobile phones (Not one. Two !) and all such things to keep ourselves busy. If you don't use them boletho people will think you are dead or probably extinct. Or even mental.

One more thing is there. We have girl friends. If you are single means people will think that there is some defect in you. And ayyo, these girls no! So tough with them! They say that we have to meet regularly and all. We have to be 'careful' and 'presentable' with a 'good dressing sense' else she will disown you and all money you spent on her will be waste. Also so many obligations like saying ‘I Love you’, ’I Miss you’ are there. We have to make recharges for them to talk to us, give gifts, surprise them and all! You have to be all smiling smiling every time, crack jokes and make her laugh. You know how hard it's to be innovative and unique everytime? So tough and time consuming you know!

Then there are fights, baby crying, patch up works, soothing and all. If she gets bored of us boletho break ups and then more of crying and drinking for days together. Sometimes we have to go and give company to our friends who’ve broken up no! After all we are their friends!

In the middle,relatives come visiting means gone case only. Full shopping, touring, visiting other people and all. In addition to all this we have friends’ brothers’ marriages, friends’ sisters’ sons’ cradle ceremonies, aunties’ parents’ 60^th birthdays and all.

And I needn’t mention movies and cricket matches. People don’t stop making them and we don’t stop watching them. And our BCCI never lets our players rest.

So many things to do and so less time. And you ask me in the function how my preparation is going on and give me tips and free advice. Talk to me next time about this only if you can get me the question papers.

If this repeats again no, I'll tell your wife how you tried shamelessly for your Preeti aunties daughter and your son about your playboy and hustler magazines.

Yours truly

As discussed in the Localteaparties style!

A tale of two Lizards

'Eeks!Balli!!!!!',screamed the sister just before stepping into the washroom.
'Don't make such a big deal out of such small things.Stomp your foot hard and it will make way for you' screamed back Mommy from the kitchen.

'I think it's dead!I can't see it's eyes open!' she shouted back.

'May be it's sleeping.Let it be' said Bhali, her brother, whose name meant strong guy. 

'Enough enough' said mommy as she walked to the spot to have a look.'Call Chandramma and ask her to clear it up' she said not wanting to waste any more time lest the curry gets overcooked.The maid walked in with a chata and a broomstick.Looking at the dead creature,she said,'Looks like it's not a normal lizard but a poisonous one.It has green spots over the exposed part of its body which stores poison',using all her knowledge from extensively watching the long running saas bahu serials.After finishing preliminary examination she tried sweeping away the dead body with the broom stick;but it wouldn't move.She tried again and again but it didn't budge.'Amma!Looks like it's stuck!' she said,her voice trailing off.She paused for a moment,had a eureka moment and shouted 'It has been killed!Someone stepped on it!'

That moment everything transformed.The lizard became a victim of violence and it's species sounded endangered and it's reptile rights violated.The spot became a crime scene and the maid spoke as
though an autopsy had to be conducted to know the exact cause of death.Looking at the heightened excitement in Operation Clearing Dead Lizard,Bhali went to find out what really was happening.He was told about the horrendous incident,with the maid adding how sinful it is to kill a lizard. After listening to everything Bhali said 'Oh!So this was the one.Yesterday night I felt that I stepped on something really soft and rough and I had a feeling that it wriggled.Didn't think it was a lizard.'

The mommy gasped and the sister stood in awe.The maid already started pulling his legs to see if there were any poisonous bites on his soles.'You killed a lizard!You stepped on it' were mommys first words after recovery.'Let me call your grandmother and find out what the upayam(solution) is!Don't step out of the house till I tell you to!Shani is right behind your back!' In the meantime, the sister was updating her status for her telugu friends '@Bhali balied a balli with his balam'(which roughly translates to "A lizard sacrificed it's life under the heavy weight of Bhali." And balied is Telgish,the past -ed version of bali-ing)

While mommy was over the phone and sister was busy facebooking,the maid was busy updating another maid right across the flat with such a tone that the whole apartments could hear her.'Which foot did you stamp it with!There are different remedies for both the foots!' said mommy,invoking a very interesting question.Bhali though for a moment,looked under his feet and said,'I guess it's the right!Can we drop the matter here!?' Mommy didn't listed to him and continued her quest for a solution over the phone.'May be he should go to Kanchi and touch the golden lizard for pariharam' said the driver who walked in to collect the keys and who by now knew everything thanks to the reach of the news in the apartment.'May be he should perform abhishekam to Subramanya Swami and seek for mercy' shouted the pan-eating maid from the other apartment.By the time other solutions like 108 pradakshanas and head tonsuring in the temple were offered,mommy was done with the call and she said 'Have head bath and offer Salt to God as an offering.In the meantime, I'll call our family astrologer and find out if we have to perform any graha shanti.' Bhali was totally ridiculed by this idea but was thankful that it was a simple solution.He thought;after all, even God needs salt for flavoring his food after all!

After an hour of prayers and God pleasing, and after mom was completely satisfied that the shani was off his back and the dosham(bad luck) stopped dancing on his head,he was let out with a promise to visit the temple before going anywhere.He took the stairs and was going down when he heard his maid talking to her colleague 'I think they should amputate his right foot before the dosham spreads to the rest of his body.If they don't do it now,they might repent later in life.'Just as she finished her unsolicited suggestion, Bhali felt something squishy under his foot.This time, he was going to walk off quitely."

--->KN

Bah Bah Ramdev!

Dear Baba Ramdev


Your attempt to bend the country like your body has backfired and we now find your limbs tangled and your close aide Balakrishna trying to help you out of them(his condition being worse).The on-stage antics you displayed on the night you were evacuated evoked ripples of laughter all around but not much of sympathy.That episode only proved that the Indian police are pros in dispersing scores of people with the traditional canes and a few shells of tear gas.The extent to which they went by dismantling the marquee,rolling the carpets and dropping you away at your place made me feel really proud of them.You being air lifted and dropped by the police,with a condition(read warning) not to enter Delhi in the days to come made it even worse.

Now, what made you think that you were clean and safe in spite of having your foot print in over 300 companies?The ED came knocking and asked you to puke it out,and you did only half your job!(and gargled the rest?)Now I think that the IT department will be making the next move.

And then you did what?The usual fasting,which has lost it's sheen and historical importance as any frivolous campaign by minnows is kick-started with.You took your own sweet time of nine days,sleeping in a glare of media lights and the coolness of the air-conditioners until the fast broke you!(Now you understand the importance of lemonade!)

Dude,entry into national politics is not any tad easy job like beaming live everyday on a national channel.Why would people even take you seriously when you are demanding the return of 'Swiss Black money' when you alone run a realm which runs into a few thousands of crores.Your gambit should have been the polls.Seriously.

I supported the campaign by Anna Hazare but I vehemently despise the same by you.Do you remember that you goofed it up during his campaign too?People fighting seriously for more important causes are being over looked because people like you are hogging the lime light with your antics.Who even noticed Swami Nagamanada till he was dead after 70 odd days of fasting for a Government initiative to clean up Ganga?

Before I sign off let me tell you that not many consider that night as a 'fateful' and 'dark night'.I only suggest that you get back to your daily routine of yoga and ayurveda and let people forget you for a while.May be later you can start afresh,this time with a much better strategy and a much deserved cause!Also remember that giving an ultimatum to the Government will have it's side-effects.

You have woken me up from my slumber and at a time when I thought I'd write nothing in the months to come and also after having decided that I'd not touch upon National politics/political fiasco's for a while.

And yes!You do get your share of credit if the black money does really kiss our shores someday.But that might be the day when we shall be smiling from digital portraits(like those from Harry Potter) put up by our off-springs!


Try not to dig further.We still respect you for your yoga.



--->KN

Of guilt and regret.........

Somewhere this has to stop.

I toss and turn in my bed, at the dead of the night, at a time when more than half the world at my end is fast asleep, at a time when someone somewhere is burning the midnight oil while many a counterpart are having fun getting drunk, going wild, partying or are hooked on to the internet, at a time when a petty thief is trying to break into some house somewhere, while the Indian cop is on the roads with the breath analyzer in hand and pockets with bills and at a time when a homeless man finds a spot somewhere on the roads of the city to lay down and be greeted by the summer heat escaping from the ground below him.

The provocative question of 'life ahead' comes drilling into my head and I change my position on the bed, tossing and turning; lazy to sit upright but a position comfortable enough to think with my fingers.

On the wall adjoining my bed,in the glow of my mobile screen, I can see what lies ahead of me, playing like an Eastman color movie on a white cloth, clear but a bit distorted from excessive usage of the reel. A movie which has been played umpteen times and every time, some serious thinking gets into the head, the effect intensifying everytime it's played.

I write lines and I delete them,trying to make a confession, but unable to proceed further; guilt prevailing. Guilt which makes you weak in your legs, guilt which mentally transcends you to another state even when the world around you is literally falling apart and is gone by the snap of your fingers, guilt which doesn't give you enough courage to confess and confide and guilt which beats the hell out of you over and over again.

But this can't go on.

This has to stop.

For now.Forever.

I need my peace of mind and my courage to work.

What is lost is lost.No regrets.

What lays ahead matters.Grab it.

Master the mind.It's a complete freak.

Start living the moment from now itself.

Well.I lay plonk on my bed to sleep for now, only with some confidence that I can keep the lid tight on my head till the time the morning rays pierce my retina, hit the grey matter and start 'just another day' in my life. Now with a difference.

New beginning,a fierce battle. I have fought many in the past and this just got bigger. No regrets.

--->KN