The Ever Blue Rama

Rama and Lakshmana came back panting. The moment Rama reached his home in the forest; he knew that something was wrong. Sita was missing.

The gate was badly broken. He walked in stepping on the plank which read ‘This home is mortgaged to ICIC Bank. No Parking in front of the gate’. Time to cut some wood again, thought Lakshmana. Walking inside, he saw that his new Samsung 32’’ LED TV was broken and the Bose speaker had its subwoofer hanging out. The sofa coir was sprung and his rocking chair was no more rocking. His IKEA bookshelf was in heaps as if it was in its pre-assembled form. Bah! he thought,looking at his copy of The Da Vinci Code. I think I lost my Flipkart Reason To Use The Bookmark #43-When you’re out hunting for a Golden Deer. The only bright thing in his home at that point was his Godrej Almirah. Worth the bucks! good that I turned down the local made he said to himself. Looking around he found that their iPhone chargers were in place. There was one more thing missing. Sita’s iPhone.

‘Bro!’ shouted Lakshmana from outside. As Rama ran out, towards the Eastern side of his house, he saw Lakshmana staring at a huge hole in the ground.

‘Looks like a nuclear attack Bro!’ he said. Rama climbed down the steps of his house, went towards the crater and leaned down in front of it to study closely.

‘This is something even an Ayyan Tapakai’s Hydrogen bomb can form, forget nuclear. This is a result of some heavy headed human being using his spiritual powers and extracting some heavy mass by Earth by dominating the gravitational and magnetic forces of nature, and in the process further manipulating it to make it air borne and directing it according to his convenience. Such an unusual action which is against the natural laws caused a repealing effect, there by forming forces which destroyed our house which is in the near vicinity.’

That fine moment his Father Dasaratha in heaven cried and Lakshmana swelled with pride. The Gods sent a shower of flowers (with Lord Indra adding lightning for extra effect) and the Sun God rode his horses faster while the Sea God stopped his waves for a moment. Guru Vasistha would have hugged Lord Rama if he would have been there at that moment. After all, Lord Rama’s IIT Coaching paid off well, though he was not keen on getting into it.

He continued ‘We haven’t messed with anyone back home or even after coming to the forest, unless you…….’ he turned looking towards Lakshmana.

‘Brother! My sole purpose of accompanying you to the forest is to protect you and my holy sister-in-law from evil forces of nature and from unnecessary enemies! I haven’t slept for years together and have been on constant watch out even when my iTouch ran out of charge and the FM was playing ‘Kolaveri Di’ continuously for days together! I have learned to keep my anger under control and I didn’t hurt even an ant forget a...’ he stopped abruptly.

‘What?’ said Rama.

‘Soorpanaka’ said Lakshmana.

‘Super’ said Rama sounding dejected.

‘The only thing which can give us a lead is Sita’s iPhone. She obviously can’t talk to us now. Let me try Google Friend connect and track her location’ said Rama, walking back into his house and waking up his Mac from sleep. Praise the WiFi he said to himself as he logged into his Google Account.

Used ID:rama.ayodhya

Password:ramasitalakshmana14

In the mean while, Lakshmana opened his Facebook Account. He had one notification. His wife poked him.

He searched for Soorpanaka/Surpanaka/Sur Panaka/Soor Panaka/Panaka S valiantly. He kept opening all the possible profiles in different tabs when he finally hit upon a profile with a picture which looked badly photoshopped- as if the nose and ears were attached.

He looked at her Info:

About: I am a cruel and sweet lady.

Location: Lanka

Interested In: Married Men

Relationship Status: Single

Gender: Female

Music: Death Metal

Movies: Resident Evil, Species, Predators.

Television: Dexter

Activities: Singing, Travelling, Dancing, Hurting others.

Her Wall read:

Sita finally abducted. Now in Ashok Vatika. 5 minutes ago

To the left of the screen he saw the list of her Relatives.

King Raavan (Brother)

Kubera (Brother)

Vibhishana (Brother)

Ahiravana (Brother)

He got a lead.

‘Brother! I got her location!’ he shouted.

‘Yeah.Lanka.Thank God! she installed Four Square. She knew I’d be looking.’ said Rama.

‘Look at this man bro! Ten heads! Imagine the time he needs to comb his hair!’

‘Hmmm yeah.. But first we need to get to Lanka. That’s our priority. And we need an army too’ said Rama.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll figure that out. Let’s start our journey in the port direction. We’ll get some help soon’ said the assuring Lakshmana.

Before logging out, he got a friend request. It was from Vibheeshana. He ignored it.He poked his wife back and closed it down.

Rama was at the door waiting for Lakshmana to come. He was ready with all his trekking gear and his carbon-fibre, diamond polished, GPS enabled bow and arrow.

‘Where are my shoes?’ he inquired looking around the place.

‘Don’t you remember? Bharata took them away to keep them until you go home.’

‘Ah! I totally forgot. I have to mail him. It’s been a while’ said Rama.

And hence the duo set off into the woods, creating an epic in the process for the generations of Kaliyuga human beings to read, cherish and learn.


--->KN

An Open Letter to KCR

Dear KCR,

I write this letter knowing fully that it won’t reach you and even if it does, you’d need a person to
explain what’s written in this. And even if you manage to understand, there wouldn’t be any change
in the un-ethical ways in which you are planning to sabotage the daily life of the normal citizens.

I belong to the ‘immigrant’ category of persons as per your seditious nomenclature. I was born and
brought up in this very city of Hyderabad, though my roots go back to the picturesque Godavari
district. All through the 21 years of my life in this city, never did I think that the harmony and life in
this city would be disturbed by a thin man, wearing baby pink around his neck, having two douche
bags below his eyes and whose nose holds all the muscle in his body. Being flanked by a bunch
of equally jobless supporters (one who is a professor of a university and doesn’t care about the
education system), you have managed to create quiet a rift among the people of this state who have
long forgotten that the state of Andhra Pradesh actually has three regions.

It was a very tactical move that you first targeted the students in the University. Being the hot
blooded ones, they totally forgot the reasons for which they exist and started the destruction. While
they were on a rampage, you were probably enjoying the mass destruction on the TV. You managed
to create the divide among the Government officers compelling them to lose
salaries while you were busy planning your next move. Now, you sabotage the transport system,
bring the real estate down, eat the morsel of the daily wage labourer, threaten the academic year
of the students, cause loss to the ex-chequer , create power crisis -all this in the name of ‘a better
state’ and people blindly follow you not knowing where the better state even lies. While there
will be no new investment coming into the state, the existing business houses are for sure looking
elsewhere for expansions. Such is the glorious future which lies ahead.

Who can forget those wonderful statements you made? I remember you saying that the biryani
made by the Non-T people tastes like cow dung. While people around
you were beaming with joy and clapping mindlessly, I could only think of the abysmal lows you could
stoop in your comparisons. Not to forget scores of other statements in which you said that you
would drive away the Non-T people from this region.

Let me ask you something. Who the heck are you to do that? In case you forgot, let me remind
you that this is not a god damn state built on your fore fathers property for you to keep people of
your choice and drive away the rest. As the citizens of this country we have the every right to settle
where ever we want to. And don’t forget that ‘we’ people are also the major driving forces behind
the administration and economic growth of this state and also the city of Hyderabad, without which
your state of T would be nothing.

And you have the audacity to go and hit the officers? God! This shows how uncouth and ill behaved
you are! And you think that they can’t hit back? Remember what happened last year when you tried
to introduce your T-Bill in the assembly?

Though I am opposed to formation of a separate state, I’d like to keep my reservations for myself.
You might be proud that you have managed to cook up some revolution, but let me tell you that the
future generations will remember you for your nose and your ability to pelt stones at anything that
is glass. An agitation in a sensible manner would be welcomed but for what you are doing, I’d call
you the Bal Thackerey of Andhra Pradesh. Jai Hind!!!


Yours
First Indian and then Andhraid
(And you cannot call me by any other name.)

The Dying Love

"With the last penny begged he entered the cemetery, wobbling, where his dead wife lay, waiting to be buried. He watched as the coffin was lowered into the grave and the cross was placed over it. Sitting down he heard her voice talk to him. The next moment he was dead, over her grave."

The above short story falls under the category of 55 Fiction.

The half eaten Apple that never rots

All that I can dedicate to this man is this article.

Dear Steve Jobs,

I guess that by now you must be sitting comfortably on one of the clouds allocated to you in heaven, staring at the harp and looking at ways of improvising it while the iPad on your side is buzzing with condolences, obituaries and messages of grief from across the globe.

To be true I never knew your name until the late 2005s.It was that time when the IT guys frequenting the West bought an iPod on their way back so that it would be useful for them in their morning jogs (which happened once in a fortnight).I found wheel in the center very fascinating and the small screen captivating. It was the first time I heard then name of ‘Steve Jobs’ though I just knew Apple as a company and Macintosh as a computer from the boring lessons of ‘History of Computers’ from school. Later it was the iPod shuffle I managed to buy, which became my first and the only Apple product that I own, and use to date.

I totally grew up on MS and I had the ‘teenager’s opinion’ that nothing could beat it. The ‘Apple-to-me-means-iPod’ gradually grew to ‘Steve-Jobs-is-God’. My plans of saving up to buy the next Apple product always remained in cold storage as you kept rolling out revolutionary products, one after the other in your trademark turtle neck tee and blue jeans.

It wasn’t a long time before that I went a spree, watching all the Apple event videos that YouTube had for the nth time. The untiring legs on stage, the commanding voice, and the levels of curiosity which you maintained and the simplicity and the ease with which you could convince anyone why your product is the best made me watch those videos over and over again. And how can I forget the best of the lot? The 1984 launch of the Macintosh! I swear that I would have fainted that day only if were in that crowd which went hysterical. That one alone is enough to tell everyone why you are considered a visionary.

Thank You Steve Jobs for showing us what it means to go around with a revolutionary product in our pockets, Thank You for proving that the dots always get connected, Thank You for making us proud to be born in a generation influenced by your products and finally a Thank You for showing the world what it means to bounce back stronger.

You showed us all what it means to eat only a part of the Apple and investing the rest in your dreams.

--->KN

I write this as Steve Jobs is making it for the 9th time onto the cover page of the TIME magazine.

Deception

NOTE:This is NOT a work of Fiction 

It was like any other day of my life, as I got down to doing what I'm best at - sitting with books and staring at the wall. I thought I needed a change of place, probably because there was nothing left in the wall to stare. So, I gathered my stuff and went to the nearest medical shop to study as the person there was very hospitable and always had a room for me to spare.

I walked in, dumped all my stuff on the bed and started reading that day’s New York Times, which was filled with articles congratulating Rahul Gandhi on becoming the CM of West Bengal and Sania Mirza on winning the F1 Grand Prix. I thought that would pep up my mood to prepare for my exams which were a light year away, but, sadly enough that just made my mind crave for more relaxation.

I checked my pockets to see if I was carrying my iPad but to my dismay I wasn’t. I only had my smart phone in my wallet. I snapped it out, and went through my contacts and finally zeroed on calling Michael Obama just to check on how he was doing at his summer house in Somalia after his successful third term as the President of USA. The call wasn't put through and my phone displayed an error message saying 'Out of panels'. It was then I realized that the Airtel International Space Station hadn't still replaced the solar panels on my individual satellite which handled my communications. I wasn't in the mood to configure my phone on my mother’s satellite, so I thought I'd take a stroll on the Hyderabad Marine Drive.

As I stepped out, it started snowing heavily but I continued to walk. The heaters along the path were melting all snow and absorbing it, keeping the path clearer. There wasn't much road/air traffic as it was a weekend and a political party called for a Telangana bandh.

After walking for a while I decided to have a quick bite and walked into new Floating Pizza Hut which was built on the purified Tank Bund which would float along with the Buddha statue on the lake. At the entrance I was greeted by a tall blue creature, scantly clothed and as I walked in, I was wondering 'Where the hell on the planet are they from'. And to my surprise there were more such people inside, going around with trays. A banner at the entrance read 

'Weekend special! Get ready to be served by the Na'vi from Pandora! Also enjoy our forest special theme with live forest sounds in the background! Coming up next weekend: Mars special with Aliens'

I was lead to a single table in the heterosexual section which was along a window looking over the lake. The background had the rusting sound of the leaves, chirping birds and an occasional roar of a Lion. Looking down, I could see a Shark in the lake gliding along idly and two dolphins jumping around at a distance. I ordered for my food and was waiting for it to be served, when I spotted Rahul Mahajan and Rakhi Sawanth sitting across my table, sorting the cocaine into lines and taking turns in snorting them.

My food arrived after few minutes and I ate it in silence enjoying everything (except the drug people around me). I swiped my Aadhar Card for my bill, left a tip of £1 for the Na'vi and left the place.

I walked back to the medical shop and as I entered the room, the guy at the counter said 'Your father came searching for you. He asked you to come home as early as possible.'

I walked back to my house. I took the elevator to '-3rd floor' and as I opened the door of my house, I found my Dad sitting on the water couch, watching TV. He asked me where I was and as I was talking to him, I could hear my phone ringing. For a moment I thought that it was a test call from the AISS but then I realized that it was the tone set for my Dads call. Confused, I looked at him and found him staring at me without anything in his hand and his phone floating in the magnetic field next to him. Bewildered and still confused I answered the call….

'He-He-Hello'

'Hello! What took you so long to answer the phone!?'

'I-You-Were Talking......'

'Were you sleeping?'

'Sleeping? (Shit)I think I was'

'Why now? Anyway, don't forget to get my medicines today'

'Aa? OK OK.'

'And get up and wash your face. You are left with only a month for your exams'

'Light year......'

'What?'

'I mean, one month.30 days. No, 31 days.'

'Looks like you have slept a lot. You're totally out of your mind. Go have some coffee'

'I just had Pizza I guess....'

'No you didn't. You were probably dreaming.'

With that kick, I snapped back to reality.

--->KN