Clean Shave

Trolls say “A call from an unknown number is always exciting and shouldn’t be missed”.

Just when I was about to drop my phone into the deep tunnels of my kurta, it started vibrating. A call from a known number would have gone unanswered as I was in hurry, but the fact that it was a call from an unknown number set the decision making lobe of my brain into action. It had a strategic decision to make between racing against time and the excitement of answering a call from an unknown number. A series of situations were explored in the head in those few seconds as the thumb was oscillating between the red and the green buttons.

“What if it is an issue of national importance?”

“Did I suddenly become famous on twitter?”

“What if……………..”

Before my RAM batch processed the questions, fate took over as it was in a hurry to screw many other lives.

“Hello”, I paused.

“Rey Mama. Where are you?” said a familiar voice.

“Who’s this?” I asked, realizing that the call is of no use and I’m no hero.

“It’s me man. Listen, I need Rs.15,000 urgently. Can you arrange for it?”

Usually people would care to exchange some pleasantries if they were calling a person after a gap of 6 years. But this guy didn't.

“Dude, you are calling the wrong person. Don’t you know that I’m unemployed?”

“It’s urgent man. Dad’s on a ventilator and it is a critical situation. I could only think of you to call. Please do something”, he said in desperation.

That was a situation from which you wouldn’t know how to escape. And being the nice guy that I was, I didn't even think of an escape.

“I’ll have to think man. 15,000 is way out of my league. Also I’m out of town. Give me some time and I will get back to you."

Usually I would have got on with my joblessness by completely forgetting the call. But the fact that  someone’s father was in such a tender situation and that I could arrange for some help kept buzzing in my head. After some quick thinking I called up another friend and asked him to advance Rs.5,000 on my behalf as that was all I could afford from my savings.

Satisfied with my help; I patted myself and got busy. Just after three-quarters of an hour I got bombarded with series of messages and calls from the guy, who apparently couldn't derive help from other corners.

I was unable to convince him that there was nothing I could do to arrange the remaining amount. Just when I was about to give up, I called up another friend and explained the whole scenario to him, expecting him to either pitch in some money or arrange for some help. He remained silent after listening to everything I said.

“So what do you think you can do?” I asked him, with a sense of victory which a sales guy has after selling the Dictionary.

“Can I have his number first? Looks like I have his old contact number”

“Sure. And how are you going to arrange the money? Mind you, there is no compulsion. Just do what you can”.

“Well, I’m not giving him anything. I have to demand my money from him. He’s been evading me for a while”

“You want to ask him now?”

“Even you wouldn’t mind if you knew what happened”

“Please surprise me”

“Well, I gave him money after he told me that his father died.”

I stood frozen as his words pierced my head. It was my official entry into the cruel and unethical world with a slap across my face by reality.

After hanging up and realizing that my savings account was back to its original tally, I got a SMS from another friend to whom I have earlier passed on the message. It read:

He contacted you for money? Tread carefully man. Few weeks back when I wasn't home, he came and told my mum that he hurt his kidney in an accident. I only hope that this one is genuine.

When Nature Beckoned

It looked somewhat familiar, the huge white building which could easily pass off as a very well preserved palace if not for the board in front of it which read ‘Director General of Police, Chennai, Beach Road’. The road on which the Chennai Thambi was driving looked unusually wide and clean. The footpaths were wide and you could see calm people strolling up and down; some trying to lose weight, some dragging their crying kids along and some trying to pep up some romance by holding their hands.  The air smelled of salinity and the even the hordes of vehicles travelling up and down the road at that time didn't seem to matter much.

I was at a beach. Rather, The Marina Beach.

It was a visit to the sea shore after what seemed to be ages. This was a place, which never seemed to ‘modernise’, which in a way, was good. The guy with a small oil lamp, selling peanuts for a fortune was still in the dark corner so that his customers could not see the quantity he was selling them; the lady with her son selling the sugar cane extract was still moving the toothed wheel with her hand and spuriously telling her customers that the ice was clean; the guy selling the balloons was right in the middle of the human ocean selling his wares, encouraging the unlucky one’s to cry; the couple in the beach were tactically pushing people to shoot more balloons with the air rifle with the husband loading the pellets and the wife replacing the ‘fallen targets’; the chat vendor with the halogen lamp on his cart played the chef preparing the orders while his assistant kept running helter-skelter serving; families fulfilling their weekend promises; and the many couples finding solace in the clam and dark corners of the beach.

Perfect.

I started walking towards the sea. I removed my shoes as I stepped into the sand, to feel the warm and sinking sensation of the granules on my feet which were losing their heat to the pleasant evening climate. The air smelled of the marine life, the noise of the human activity really didn’t seem to bother. There was that sound from a distance which was always inviting, a roar of unlimited energy; the un-rhythmic but equally pleasing expanse of water.

As I inched closer to the shore, memories kept flooding me. Particularly the ‘We’ll go home once the waves stop!’ dialogue of my sister the first time we took her to beach. I paced, as it was my time to treat my senses to a long pending indulgence.

Run Boy Run.

And there it was! Camouflaged in the darkness of the night, sparkling under the heavenly light, it was monstrous in its might, sinister in its looks and welcoming in its beauty. The waves produced the music which no technology could equate and no Bach could equal. The sound of triumph, the heavy bass from the invisible woofers, the famous song from the ocean which is always played worldwide, and the sway of populace to the nature; well, I was indeed attending a live music concert from the front row.

The waves from distance looked like they were charging, like a cheetah which starts running upon spotting its prey, leaping into the air in between its alternative thrusts on the ground, before finally pouncing upon its victim. The first touch of the waves was pleasant, with the water being warm and the reminder of small wounds on the feet burning due to the salinity in the water. The sand right beneath the feet was swept away, making me dig my toes deeper into the soggy sand.

The waves pounced upon one another, some checking the progress of the advancing waves and some adding to the flow. The beach sand by then was sticking to my legs, something that would make us unpleasant guests. People around played, screamed, got wet, clicked, pulled and some walked along the coast. The heterogeneous moods tuned well to the homogenous atmosphere.

Ah! Bliss.

There was a moment when I closed my eyes, submitting myself to the nature and my flow of thoughts and listening to the continuous rhythm, when the sound seemed to pause, as if God had listened to someone like my kid sister on the beach so that she could go home. That moment there was a small panic, as if I had been experiencing a beautiful dream and a fear that it might turn out to be false.

Time passed quickly. I gathered up myself to walk back into realty and the cruel world where man, since he started taming the wild animal, took up his next target to tame the nature; exploiting everything from the life inside the ocean, the salt in the water, the oxygen in the atmosphere to the sand on the beach, unknowingly destroying himself in his foolishness to quest to claim supremacy.

There are miles and miles to go before I sleep………in peace.

Silence Please

The Clean Up Act

The Ever Blue Rama

Rama and Lakshmana came back panting. The moment Rama reached his home in the forest; he knew that something was wrong. Sita was missing.

The gate was badly broken. He walked in stepping on the plank which read ‘This home is mortgaged to ICIC Bank. No Parking in front of the gate’. Time to cut some wood again, thought Lakshmana. Walking inside, he saw that his new Samsung 32’’ LED TV was broken and the Bose speaker had its subwoofer hanging out. The sofa coir was sprung and his rocking chair was no more rocking. His IKEA bookshelf was in heaps as if it was in its pre-assembled form. Bah! he thought,looking at his copy of The Da Vinci Code. I think I lost my Flipkart Reason To Use The Bookmark #43-When you’re out hunting for a Golden Deer. The only bright thing in his home at that point was his Godrej Almirah. Worth the bucks! good that I turned down the local made he said to himself. Looking around he found that their iPhone chargers were in place. There was one more thing missing. Sita’s iPhone.

‘Bro!’ shouted Lakshmana from outside. As Rama ran out, towards the Eastern side of his house, he saw Lakshmana staring at a huge hole in the ground.

‘Looks like a nuclear attack Bro!’ he said. Rama climbed down the steps of his house, went towards the crater and leaned down in front of it to study closely.

‘This is something even an Ayyan Tapakai’s Hydrogen bomb can form, forget nuclear. This is a result of some heavy headed human being using his spiritual powers and extracting some heavy mass by Earth by dominating the gravitational and magnetic forces of nature, and in the process further manipulating it to make it air borne and directing it according to his convenience. Such an unusual action which is against the natural laws caused a repealing effect, there by forming forces which destroyed our house which is in the near vicinity.’

That fine moment his Father Dasaratha in heaven cried and Lakshmana swelled with pride. The Gods sent a shower of flowers (with Lord Indra adding lightning for extra effect) and the Sun God rode his horses faster while the Sea God stopped his waves for a moment. Guru Vasistha would have hugged Lord Rama if he would have been there at that moment. After all, Lord Rama’s IIT Coaching paid off well, though he was not keen on getting into it.

He continued ‘We haven’t messed with anyone back home or even after coming to the forest, unless you…….’ he turned looking towards Lakshmana.

‘Brother! My sole purpose of accompanying you to the forest is to protect you and my holy sister-in-law from evil forces of nature and from unnecessary enemies! I haven’t slept for years together and have been on constant watch out even when my iTouch ran out of charge and the FM was playing ‘Kolaveri Di’ continuously for days together! I have learned to keep my anger under control and I didn’t hurt even an ant forget a...’ he stopped abruptly.

‘What?’ said Rama.

‘Soorpanaka’ said Lakshmana.

‘Super’ said Rama sounding dejected.

‘The only thing which can give us a lead is Sita’s iPhone. She obviously can’t talk to us now. Let me try Google Friend connect and track her location’ said Rama, walking back into his house and waking up his Mac from sleep. Praise the WiFi he said to himself as he logged into his Google Account.

Used ID:rama.ayodhya

Password:ramasitalakshmana14

In the mean while, Lakshmana opened his Facebook Account. He had one notification. His wife poked him.

He searched for Soorpanaka/Surpanaka/Sur Panaka/Soor Panaka/Panaka S valiantly. He kept opening all the possible profiles in different tabs when he finally hit upon a profile with a picture which looked badly photoshopped- as if the nose and ears were attached.

He looked at her Info:

About: I am a cruel and sweet lady.

Location: Lanka

Interested In: Married Men

Relationship Status: Single

Gender: Female

Music: Death Metal

Movies: Resident Evil, Species, Predators.

Television: Dexter

Activities: Singing, Travelling, Dancing, Hurting others.

Her Wall read:

Sita finally abducted. Now in Ashok Vatika. 5 minutes ago

To the left of the screen he saw the list of her Relatives.

King Raavan (Brother)

Kubera (Brother)

Vibhishana (Brother)

Ahiravana (Brother)

He got a lead.

‘Brother! I got her location!’ he shouted.

‘Yeah.Lanka.Thank God! she installed Four Square. She knew I’d be looking.’ said Rama.

‘Look at this man bro! Ten heads! Imagine the time he needs to comb his hair!’

‘Hmmm yeah.. But first we need to get to Lanka. That’s our priority. And we need an army too’ said Rama.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll figure that out. Let’s start our journey in the port direction. We’ll get some help soon’ said the assuring Lakshmana.

Before logging out, he got a friend request. It was from Vibheeshana. He ignored it.He poked his wife back and closed it down.

Rama was at the door waiting for Lakshmana to come. He was ready with all his trekking gear and his carbon-fibre, diamond polished, GPS enabled bow and arrow.

‘Where are my shoes?’ he inquired looking around the place.

‘Don’t you remember? Bharata took them away to keep them until you go home.’

‘Ah! I totally forgot. I have to mail him. It’s been a while’ said Rama.

And hence the duo set off into the woods, creating an epic in the process for the generations of Kaliyuga human beings to read, cherish and learn.


--->KN