Sunday, August 21, 2011

Studying means you'll keep asking?

OK Boss. Agreed. You are all settled in your life and you’re earning money. That means you’ll always ask me about my exams aa? Arey! In house only I’m trying hard to avoid this means, you’re another person aa? You didn't feel bad when people asked you the same question when you were studying? Revenge on next generation kya?

I know ki there is a lot of portion and also no time! We are breaking our heads and still not able to study. So many distractions we have! You don’t no? In your time you didn’t know meaning of entertainment only. Do you know what Internet means? Maximum you had dial up connection. To open email only it would take ages and ages. You would open it to check if your uncle from US mailed you because you told him to get Snickers and Wrigley’s while coming.  Also no Facebook or Twitter, or mobile. And if you spoke to girls,it was bad. People would think there was something something between you both and do 'flames'. Also your Mummy and Daddy used to make their eyes big if you spoke about them in your house. I know.
Now it's all different! We have broadband internet and so much to do! We have Facebook and Twitter accounts, blogs, mobile phones (Not one. Two !) and all such things to keep ourselves busy. If you don't use them boletho people will think you are dead or probably extinct. Or even mental.

One more thing is there. We have girl friends. If you are single means people will think that there is some defect in you. And ayyo, these girls no! So tough with them! They say that we have to meet regularly and all. We have to be 'careful' and 'presentable' with a 'good dressing sense' else she will disown you and all money you spent on her will be waste. Also so many obligations like saying ‘I Love you’, ’I Miss you’ are there. We have to make recharges for them to talk to us, give gifts, surprise them and all! You have to be all smiling smiling every time, crack jokes and make her laugh. You know how hard it's to be innovative and unique everytime? So tough and time consuming you know!

Then there are fights, baby crying, patch up works, soothing and all. If she gets bored of us boletho break ups and then more of crying and drinking for days together. Sometimes we have to go and give company to our friends who’ve broken up no! After all we are their friends!

In the middle,relatives come visiting means gone case only. Full shopping, touring, visiting other people and all. In addition to all this we have friends’ brothers’ marriages, friends’ sisters’ sons’ cradle ceremonies, aunties’ parents’ 60th birthdays and all.
And I needn’t mention movies and cricket matches. People don’t stop making them and we don’t stop watching them. And our BCCI never lets our players rest.
So many things to do and so less time. And you ask me in the function how my preparation is going on and give me tips and free advice. Talk to me next time about this only if you can get me the question papers.

If this repeats again no, I'll tell your wife how you tried shamelessly for your Preeti aunties daughter and your son about your playboy and hustler magazines.

Yours truly

As discussed in the Localteaparties style!

Friday, August 5, 2011

A tale of two Lizards

'Eeks!Balli!!!!!',screamed the sister just before stepping into the washroom.
'Don't make such a big deal out of such small things.Stomp your foot hard and it will make way for you' screamed back Mommy from the kitchen.

'I think it's dead!I can't see it's eyes open!' she shouted back.
'May be it's sleeping.Let it be' said Bhali, her brother, whose name meant strong guy. 
'Enough enough' said mommy as she walked to the spot to have a look.'Call Chandramma and ask her to clear it up' she said not wanting to waste any more time lest the curry gets overcooked.The maid walked in with a chata and a broomstick.Looking at the dead creature,she said,'Looks like it's not a normal lizard but a poisonous one.It has green spots over the exposed part of its body which stores poison',using all her knowledge from extensively watching the long running saas bahu serials.After finishing preliminary examination she tried sweeping away the dead body with the broom stick;but it wouldn't move.She tried again and again but it didn't budge.'Amma!Looks like it's stuck!' she said,her voice trailing off.She paused for a moment,had a eureka moment and shouted 'It has been killed!Someone stepped on it!'

That moment everything transformed.The lizard became a victim of violence and it's species sounded endangered and it's reptile rights violated.The spot became a crime scene and the maid spoke as
though an autopsy had to be conducted to know the exact cause of death.Looking at the heightened excitement in Operation Clearing Dead Lizard,Bhali went to find out what really was happening.He was told about the horrendous incident,with the maid adding how sinful it is to kill a lizard. After listening to everything Bhali said 'Oh!So this was the one.Yesterday night I felt that I stepped on something really soft and rough and I had a feeling that it wriggled.Didn't think it was a lizard.'

The mommy gasped and the sister stood in awe.The maid already started pulling his legs to see if there were any poisonous bites on his soles.'You killed a lizard!You stepped on it' were mommys first words after recovery.'Let me call your grandmother and find out what the upayam(solution) is!Don't step out of the house till I tell you to!Shani is right behind your back!' In the meantime, the sister was updating her status for her telugu friends '@Bhali balied a balli with his balam'(which roughly translates to "A lizard sacrificed it's life under the heavy weight of Bhali." And balied is Telgish,the past -ed version of bali-ing)

While mommy was over the phone and sister was busy facebooking,the maid was busy updating another maid right across the flat with such a tone that the whole apartments could hear her.'Which foot did you stamp it with!There are different remedies for both the foots!' said mommy,invoking a very interesting question.Bhali though for a moment,looked under his feet and said,'I guess it's the right!Can we drop the matter here!?' Mommy didn't listed to him and continued her quest for a solution over the phone.'May be he should go to Kanchi and touch the golden lizard for pariharam' said the driver who walked in to collect the keys and who by now knew everything thanks to the reach of the news in the apartment.'May be he should perform abhishekam to Subramanya Swami and seek for mercy' shouted the pan-eating maid from the other apartment.By the time other solutions like 108 pradakshanas and head tonsuring in the temple were offered,mommy was done with the call and she said 'Have head bath and offer Salt to God as an offering.In the meantime, I'll call our family astrologer and find out if we have to perform any graha shanti.' Bhali was totally ridiculed by this idea but was thankful that it was a simple solution.He thought;after all, even God needs salt for flavoring his food after all!

After an hour of prayers and God pleasing, and after mom was completely satisfied that the shani was off his back and the dosham(bad luck) stopped dancing on his head,he was let out with a promise to visit the temple before going anywhere.He took the stairs and was going down when he heard his maid talking to her colleague 'I think they should amputate his right foot before the dosham spreads to the rest of his body.If they don't do it now,they might repent later in life.'Just as she finished her unsolicited suggestion, Bhali felt something squishy under his foot.This time, he was going to walk off quitely."