Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Ever Blue Rama

Rama and Lakshmana came back panting. The moment Rama reached his home in the forest; he knew that something was wrong. Sita was missing.

The gate was badly broken. He walked in stepping on the plank which read ‘This home is mortgaged to ICIC Bank. No Parking in front of the gate’. Time to cut some wood again, thought Lakshmana. Walking inside, he saw that his new Samsung 32’’ LED TV was broken and the Bose speaker had its subwoofer hanging out. The sofa coir was sprung and his rocking chair was no more rocking. His IKEA bookshelf was in heaps as if it was in its pre-assembled form. Bah! he thought,looking at his copy of The Da Vinci Code. I think I lost my Flipkart Reason To Use The Bookmark #43-When you’re out hunting for a Golden Deer. The only bright thing in his home at that point was his Godrej Almirah. Worth the bucksgood that I turned down the local made he said to himself. Looking around he found that their iPhone chargers were in place. There was one more thing missing. Sita’s iPhone.

Bro!’ shouted Lakshmana from outside. As Rama ran out, towards the Eastern side of his house, he saw Lakshmana staring at a huge hole in the ground.

‘Looks like a nuclear attack Bro!’ he said. Rama climbed down the steps of his house, went towards the crater and leaned down in front of it to study closely.

‘This is something even an Ayyan Tapakai’s Hydrogen bomb can form, forget nuclear. This is a result of some heavy headed human being using his spiritual powers and extracting some heavy mass by Earth by dominating the gravitational and magnetic forces of nature, and in the process further manipulating it to make it air borne and directing it according to his convenience. Such an unusual action which is against the natural laws caused a repealing effect, there by forming forces which destroyed our house which is in the near vicinity.’

That fine moment his Father Dasaratha in heaven cried and Lakshmana swelled with pride. The Gods sent a shower of flowers (with Lord Indra adding lightning for extra effect) and the Sun God rode his horses faster while the Sea God stopped his waves for a moment. Guru Vasistha would have hugged Lord Rama if he would have been there at that moment. After all, Lord Rama’s IIT Coaching paid off well, though he was not keen on getting into it.

He continued ‘We haven’t messed with anyone back home or even after coming to the forest, unless you…….’ he turned looking towards Lakshmana.

‘Brother! My sole purpose of accompanying you to the forest is to protect you and my holy sister-in-law from evil forces of nature and from unnecessary enemies! I haven’t slept for years together and have been on constant watch out even when my iTouch ran out of charge and the FM was playing ‘Kolaveri Di’ continuously for days together! I have learned to keep my anger under control and I didn’t hurt even an ant forget a...’ he stopped abruptly.

‘What?’ said Rama.

‘Soorpanaka’ said Lakshmana.

‘Super’ said Rama sounding dejected.
‘The only thing which can give us a lead is Sita’s iPhone. She obviously can’t talk to us now. Let me try Google Friend connect and track her location’ said Rama, walking back into his house and waking up his Mac from sleep. Praise the WiFi he said to himself as he logged into his Google Account.
Used ID:rama.ayodhya

In the mean while, Lakshmana opened his Facebook Account. He had one notification. His wife poked him.

He searched for Soorpanaka/Surpanaka/Sur Panaka/Soor Panaka/Panaka S valiantly. He kept opening all the possible profiles in different tabs when he finally hit upon a profile with a picture which looked badly photoshopped- as if the nose and ears were attached.

He looked at her Info:
About: I am a cruel and sweet lady.
Location: Lanka
Interested In: Married Men
Relationship Status: Single
Gender: Female
Music: Death Metal
Movies: Resident Evil, Species, Predators.
Television: Dexter
Activities: Singing, Travelling, Dancing, Hurting others.

Her Wall read:
Sita finally abducted. Now in Ashok Vatika. 5 minutes ago

To the left of the screen he saw the list of her Relatives.

King Raavan (Brother)
Kubera (Brother)
Vibhishana (Brother)
Ahiravana (Brother)

He got a lead.

‘Brother! I got her location!’ he shouted.

‘Yeah.Lanka.Thank God! she installed Four Square. She knew I’d be looking.’ said Rama.

‘Look at this man bro! Ten heads! Imagine the time he needs to comb his hair!’

‘Hmmm yeah.. But first we need to get to Lanka. That’s our priority. And we need an army too’ said Rama.

‘Don’t worry. We’ll figure that out. Let’s start our journey in the port direction. We’ll get some help soon’ said the assuring Lakshmana.

Before logging out, he got a friend request. It was from Vibheeshana. He ignored it.He poked his wife back and closed it down.

Rama was at the door waiting for Lakshmana to come. He was ready with all his trekking gear and his carbon-fibre, diamond polished, GPS enabled bow and arrow.

‘Where are my shoes?’ he inquired looking around the place.

‘Don’t you remember? Bharata took them away to keep them until you go home.’

‘Ah! I totally forgot. I have to mail him. It’s been a while’ said Rama.

And hence the duo set off into the woods, creating an epic in the process for the generations of Kaliyuga human beings to read, cherish and learn.


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

An Open Letter to KCR

Dear KCR,

I write this letter knowing fully that it won’t reach you and even if it does, you’d need a person to
explain what’s written in this. And even if you manage to understand, there wouldn’t be any change
in the un-ethical ways in which you are planning to sabotage the daily life of the normal citizens.

I belong to the ‘immigrant’ category of persons as per your seditious nomenclature. I was born and
brought up in this very city of Hyderabad, though my roots go back to the picturesque Godavari
district. All through the 21 years of my life in this city, never did I think that the harmony and life in
this city would be disturbed by a thin man, wearing baby pink around his neck, having two douche
bags below his eyes and whose nose holds all the muscle in his body. Being flanked by a bunch
of equally jobless supporters (one who is a professor of a university and doesn’t care about the
education system), you have managed to create quiet a rift among the people of this state who have
long forgotten that the state of Andhra Pradesh actually has three regions.

It was a very tactical move that you first targeted the students in the University. Being the hot
blooded ones, they totally forgot the reasons for which they exist and started the destruction. While
they were on a rampage, you were probably enjoying the mass destruction on the TV. You managed
to create the divide among the Government officers compelling them to lose
salaries while you were busy planning your next move. Now, you sabotage the transport system,
bring the real estate down, eat the morsel of the daily wage labourer, threaten the academic year
of the students, cause loss to the ex-chequer , create power crisis -all this in the name of ‘a better
state’ and people blindly follow you not knowing where the better state even lies. While there
will be no new investment coming into the state, the existing business houses are for sure looking
elsewhere for expansions. Such is the glorious future which lies ahead.

Who can forget those wonderful statements you made? I remember you saying that the biryani
made by the Non-T people tastes like cow dung. While people around
you were beaming with joy and clapping mindlessly, I could only think of the abysmal lows you could
stoop in your comparisons. Not to forget scores of other statements in which you said that you
would drive away the Non-T people from this region.

Let me ask you something. Who the heck are you to do that? In case you forgot, let me remind
you that this is not a god damn state built on your fore fathers property for you to keep people of
your choice and drive away the rest. As the citizens of this country we have the every right to settle
where ever we want to. And don’t forget that ‘we’ people are also the major driving forces behind
the administration and economic growth of this state and also the city of Hyderabad, without which
your state of T would be nothing.

And you have the audacity to go and hit the officers? God! This shows how uncouth and ill behaved
you are! And you think that they can’t hit back? Remember what happened last year when you tried
to introduce your T-Bill in the assembly?

Though I am opposed to formation of a separate state, I’d like to keep my reservations for myself.
You might be proud that you have managed to cook up some revolution, but let me tell you that the
future generations will remember you for your nose and your ability to pelt stones at anything that
is glass. An agitation in a sensible manner would be welcomed but for what you are doing, I’d call
you the Bal Thackerey of Andhra Pradesh. Jai Hind!!!

First Indian and then Andhraid
(And you cannot call me by any other name.)

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Dying Love

"With the last penny begged he entered the cemetery, wobbling, where his dead wife lay, waiting to be buried. He watched as the coffin was lowered into the grave and the cross was placed over it. Sitting down he heard her voice talk to him. The next moment he was dead, over her grave."

The above short story falls under the category of 55 Fiction.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The half eaten Apple that never rots

All that I can dedicate to this man is this article.

Dear Steve Jobs,

I guess that by now you must be sitting comfortably on one of the clouds allocated to you in heaven, staring at the harp and looking at ways of improvising it while the iPad on your side is buzzing with condolences, obituaries and messages of grief from across the globe.

To be true I never knew your name until the late 2005s.It was that time when the IT guys frequenting the West bought an iPod on their way back so that it would be useful for them in their morning jogs (which happened once in a fortnight).I found wheel in the center very fascinating and the small screen captivating. It was the first time I heard then name of ‘Steve Jobs’ though I just knew Apple as a company and Macintosh as a computer from the boring lessons of ‘History of Computers’ from school. Later it was the iPod shuffle I managed to buy, which became my first and the only Apple product that I own, and use to date.

I totally grew up on MS and I had the ‘teenager’s opinion’ that nothing could beat it. The ‘Apple-to-me-means-iPod’ gradually grew to ‘Steve-Jobs-is-God’. My plans of saving up to buy the next Apple product always remained in cold storage as you kept rolling out revolutionary products, one after the other in your trademark turtle neck tee and blue jeans.

It wasn’t a long time before that I went a spree, watching all the Apple event videos that YouTube had for the nth time. The untiring legs on stage, the commanding voice, and the levels of curiosity which you maintained and the simplicity and the ease with which you could convince anyone why your product is the best made me watch those videos over and over again. And how can I forget the best of the lot? The 1984 launch of the Macintosh! I swear that I would have fainted that day only if were in that crowd which went hysterical. That one alone is enough to tell everyone why you are considered a visionary.

Thank You Steve Jobs for showing us what it means to go around with a revolutionary product in our pockets, Thank You for proving that the dots always get connected, Thank You for making us proud to be born in a generation influenced by your products and finally a Thank You for showing the world what it means to bounce back stronger.

You showed us all what it means to eat only a part of the Apple and investing the rest in your dreams.

I write this as Steve Jobs is making it for the 9th time onto the cover page of the TIME magazine.

Friday, September 30, 2011


NOTE:This is NOT a work of Fiction 

It was like any other day of my life, as I got down to doing what I'm best at - sitting with books and staring at the wall. I thought I needed a change of place, probably because there was nothing left in the wall to stare. So, I gathered my stuff and went to the nearest medical shop to study as the person there was very hospitable and always had a room for me to spare.

I walked in, dumped all my stuff on the bed and started reading that day’s New York Times, which was filled with articles congratulating Rahul Gandhi on becoming the CM of West Bengal and Sania Mirza on winning the F1 Grand Prix. I thought that would pep up my mood to prepare for my exams which were a light year away, but, sadly enough that just made my mind crave for more relaxation.

I checked my pockets to see if I was carrying my iPad but to my dismay I wasn’t. I only had my smart phone in my wallet. I snapped it out, and went through my contacts and finally zeroed on calling Michael Obama just to check on how he was doing at his summer house in Somalia after his successful third term as the President of USA. The call wasn't put through and my phone displayed an error message saying 'Out of panels'. It was then I realized that the Airtel International Space Station hadn't still replaced the solar panels on my individual satellite which handled my communications. I wasn't in the mood to configure my phone on my mother’s satellite, so I thought I'd take a stroll on the Hyderabad Marine Drive.

As I stepped out, it started snowing heavily but I continued to walk. The heaters along the path were melting all snow and absorbing it, keeping the path clearer. There wasn't much road/air traffic as it was a weekend and a political party called for a Telangana bandh.

After walking for a while I decided to have a quick bite and walked into new Floating Pizza Hut which was built on the purified Tank Bund which would float along with the Buddha statue on the lake. At the entrance I was greeted by a tall blue creature, scantly clothed and as I walked in, I was wondering 'Where the hell on the planet are they from'. And to my surprise there were more such people inside, going around with trays. A banner at the entrance read 
'Weekend special! Get ready to be served by the Na'vi from Pandora! Also enjoy our forest special theme with live forest sounds in the background! Coming up next weekend: Mars special with Aliens'

I was lead to a single table in the heterosexual section which was along a window looking over the lake. The background had the rusting sound of the leaves, chirping birds and an occasional roar of a Lion. Looking down, I could see a Shark in the lake gliding along idly and two dolphins jumping around at a distance. I ordered for my food and was waiting for it to be served, when I spotted Rahul Mahajan and Rakhi Sawanth sitting across my table, sorting the cocaine into lines and taking turns in snorting them.

My food arrived after few minutes and I ate it in silence enjoying everything (except the drug people around me). I swiped my Aadhar Card for my bill, left a tip of £1 for the Na'vi and left the place.

I walked back to the medical shop and as I entered the room, the guy at the counter said 'Your father came searching for you. He asked you to come home as early as possible.'

I walked back to my house. I took the elevator to '-3rd floor' and as I opened the door of my house, I found my Dad sitting on the water couch, watching TV. He asked me where I was and as I was talking to him, I could hear my phone ringing. For a moment I thought that it was a test call from the AISS but then I realized that it was the tone set for my Dads call. Confused, I looked at him and found him staring at me without anything in his hand and his phone floating in the magnetic field next to him. Bewildered and still confused I answered the call….
'Hello! What took you so long to answer the phone!?'
'I-You-Were Talking......'
'Were you sleeping?'
'Sleeping? (Shit)I think I was'
'Why now? Anyway, don't forget to get my medicines today'
'Aa? OK OK.'
'And get up and wash your face. You are left with only a month for your exams'
'Light year......'
'I mean, one month.30 days. No, 31 days.'
'Looks like you have slept a lot. You're totally out of your mind. Go have some coffee'
'I just had Pizza I guess....'
'No you didn't. You were probably dreaming.'

With that kick, I snapped back to reality.


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Studying means you'll keep asking?

OK Boss. Agreed. You are all settled in your life and you’re earning money. That means you’ll always ask me about my exams aa? Arey! In house only I’m trying hard to avoid this means, you’re another person aa? You didn't feel bad when people asked you the same question when you were studying? Revenge on next generation kya?

I know ki there is a lot of portion and also no time! We are breaking our heads and still not able to study. So many distractions we have! You don’t no? In your time you didn’t know meaning of entertainment only. Do you know what Internet means? Maximum you had dial up connection. To open email only it would take ages and ages. You would open it to check if your uncle from US mailed you because you told him to get Snickers and Wrigley’s while coming.  Also no Facebook or Twitter, or mobile. And if you spoke to girls,it was bad. People would think there was something something between you both and do 'flames'. Also your Mummy and Daddy used to make their eyes big if you spoke about them in your house. I know.
Now it's all different! We have broadband internet and so much to do! We have Facebook and Twitter accounts, blogs, mobile phones (Not one. Two !) and all such things to keep ourselves busy. If you don't use them boletho people will think you are dead or probably extinct. Or even mental.

One more thing is there. We have girl friends. If you are single means people will think that there is some defect in you. And ayyo, these girls no! So tough with them! They say that we have to meet regularly and all. We have to be 'careful' and 'presentable' with a 'good dressing sense' else she will disown you and all money you spent on her will be waste. Also so many obligations like saying ‘I Love you’, ’I Miss you’ are there. We have to make recharges for them to talk to us, give gifts, surprise them and all! You have to be all smiling smiling every time, crack jokes and make her laugh. You know how hard it's to be innovative and unique everytime? So tough and time consuming you know!

Then there are fights, baby crying, patch up works, soothing and all. If she gets bored of us boletho break ups and then more of crying and drinking for days together. Sometimes we have to go and give company to our friends who’ve broken up no! After all we are their friends!

In the middle,relatives come visiting means gone case only. Full shopping, touring, visiting other people and all. In addition to all this we have friends’ brothers’ marriages, friends’ sisters’ sons’ cradle ceremonies, aunties’ parents’ 60th birthdays and all.
And I needn’t mention movies and cricket matches. People don’t stop making them and we don’t stop watching them. And our BCCI never lets our players rest.
So many things to do and so less time. And you ask me in the function how my preparation is going on and give me tips and free advice. Talk to me next time about this only if you can get me the question papers.

If this repeats again no, I'll tell your wife how you tried shamelessly for your Preeti aunties daughter and your son about your playboy and hustler magazines.

Yours truly

As discussed in the Localteaparties style!

Friday, August 5, 2011

A tale of two Lizards

'Eeks!Balli!!!!!',screamed the sister just before stepping into the washroom.
'Don't make such a big deal out of such small things.Stomp your foot hard and it will make way for you' screamed back Mommy from the kitchen.

'I think it's dead!I can't see it's eyes open!' she shouted back.
'May be it's sleeping.Let it be' said Bhali, her brother, whose name meant strong guy. 
'Enough enough' said mommy as she walked to the spot to have a look.'Call Chandramma and ask her to clear it up' she said not wanting to waste any more time lest the curry gets overcooked.The maid walked in with a chata and a broomstick.Looking at the dead creature,she said,'Looks like it's not a normal lizard but a poisonous one.It has green spots over the exposed part of its body which stores poison',using all her knowledge from extensively watching the long running saas bahu serials.After finishing preliminary examination she tried sweeping away the dead body with the broom stick;but it wouldn't move.She tried again and again but it didn't budge.'Amma!Looks like it's stuck!' she said,her voice trailing off.She paused for a moment,had a eureka moment and shouted 'It has been killed!Someone stepped on it!'

That moment everything transformed.The lizard became a victim of violence and it's species sounded endangered and it's reptile rights violated.The spot became a crime scene and the maid spoke as
though an autopsy had to be conducted to know the exact cause of death.Looking at the heightened excitement in Operation Clearing Dead Lizard,Bhali went to find out what really was happening.He was told about the horrendous incident,with the maid adding how sinful it is to kill a lizard. After listening to everything Bhali said 'Oh!So this was the one.Yesterday night I felt that I stepped on something really soft and rough and I had a feeling that it wriggled.Didn't think it was a lizard.'

The mommy gasped and the sister stood in awe.The maid already started pulling his legs to see if there were any poisonous bites on his soles.'You killed a lizard!You stepped on it' were mommys first words after recovery.'Let me call your grandmother and find out what the upayam(solution) is!Don't step out of the house till I tell you to!Shani is right behind your back!' In the meantime, the sister was updating her status for her telugu friends '@Bhali balied a balli with his balam'(which roughly translates to "A lizard sacrificed it's life under the heavy weight of Bhali." And balied is Telgish,the past -ed version of bali-ing)

While mommy was over the phone and sister was busy facebooking,the maid was busy updating another maid right across the flat with such a tone that the whole apartments could hear her.'Which foot did you stamp it with!There are different remedies for both the foots!' said mommy,invoking a very interesting question.Bhali though for a moment,looked under his feet and said,'I guess it's the right!Can we drop the matter here!?' Mommy didn't listed to him and continued her quest for a solution over the phone.'May be he should go to Kanchi and touch the golden lizard for pariharam' said the driver who walked in to collect the keys and who by now knew everything thanks to the reach of the news in the apartment.'May be he should perform abhishekam to Subramanya Swami and seek for mercy' shouted the pan-eating maid from the other apartment.By the time other solutions like 108 pradakshanas and head tonsuring in the temple were offered,mommy was done with the call and she said 'Have head bath and offer Salt to God as an offering.In the meantime, I'll call our family astrologer and find out if we have to perform any graha shanti.' Bhali was totally ridiculed by this idea but was thankful that it was a simple solution.He thought;after all, even God needs salt for flavoring his food after all!

After an hour of prayers and God pleasing, and after mom was completely satisfied that the shani was off his back and the dosham(bad luck) stopped dancing on his head,he was let out with a promise to visit the temple before going anywhere.He took the stairs and was going down when he heard his maid talking to her colleague 'I think they should amputate his right foot before the dosham spreads to the rest of his body.If they don't do it now,they might repent later in life.'Just as she finished her unsolicited suggestion, Bhali felt something squishy under his foot.This time, he was going to walk off quitely."


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Bah Bah Ramdev!

Dear Baba Ramdev

Your attempt to bend the country like your body has backfired and we now find your limbs tangled and your close aide Balakrishna trying to help you out of them(his condition being worse).The on-stage antics you displayed on the night you were evacuated evoked ripples of laughter all around but not much of sympathy.That episode only proved that the Indian police are pros in dispersing scores of people with the traditional canes and a few shells of tear gas.The extent to which they went by dismantling the marquee,rolling the carpets and dropping you away at your place made me feel really proud of them.You being air lifted and dropped by the police,with a condition(read warning) not to enter Delhi in the days to come made it even worse.

Now, what made you think that you were clean and safe in spite of having your foot print in over 300 companies?The ED came knocking and asked you to puke it out,and you did only half your job!(and gargled the rest?)Now I think that the IT department will be making the next move.

And then you did what?The usual fasting,which has lost it's sheen and historical importance as any frivolous campaign by minnows is kick-started with.You took your own sweet time of nine days,sleeping in a glare of media lights and the coolness of the air-conditioners until the fast broke you!(Now you understand the importance of lemonade!)

Dude,entry into national politics is not any tad easy job like beaming live everyday on a national channel.Why would people even take you seriously when you are demanding the return of 'Swiss Black money' when you alone run a realm which runs into a few thousands of crores.Your gambit should have been the polls.Seriously.

I supported the campaign by Anna Hazare but I vehemently despise the same by you.Do you remember that you goofed it up during his campaign too?People fighting seriously for more important causes are being over looked because people like you are hogging the lime light with your antics.Who even noticed Swami Nagamanada till he was dead after 70 odd days of fasting for a Government initiative to clean up Ganga?

Before I sign off let me tell you that not many consider that night as a 'fateful' and 'dark night'.I only suggest that you get back to your daily routine of yoga and ayurveda and let people forget you for a while.May be later you can start afresh,this time with a much better strategy and a much deserved cause!Also remember that giving an ultimatum to the 
Government will have it's side-effects.

You have woken me up from my slumber and at a time when I thought I'd write nothing in the months to come and also after having decided that I'd not touch upon National politics/political fiasco's for a while.

And yes!You do get your share of credit if the black money does really kiss our shores someday.But that might be the day when we shall be smiling from digital portraits(like those from Harry Potter) put up by our off-springs!

Try not to dig further.We still respect you for your yoga.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

Of guilt and regret.........

Somewhere this has to stop.

I toss and turn in my bed, at the dead of the night, at a time when more than half the world at my end is fast asleep, at a time when someone somewhere is burning the midnight oil while many a counterpart are having fun getting drunk, going wild, partying or are hooked on to the internet, at a time when a petty thief is trying to break into some house somewhere, while the Indian cop is on the roads with the breath analyzer in hand and pockets with bills and at a time when a homeless man finds a spot somewhere on the roads of the city to lay down and be greeted by the summer heat escaping from the ground below him.

The provocative question of 'life ahead' comes drilling into my head and I change my position on the bed, tossing and turning; lazy to sit upright but a position comfortable enough to think with my fingers.

On the wall adjoining my bed,in the glow of my mobile screen, I can see what lies ahead of me, playing like an Eastman color movie on a white cloth, clear but a bit distorted from excessive usage of the reel. A movie which has been played umpteen times and every time, some serious thinking gets into the head, the effect intensifying everytime it's played.

I write lines and I delete them,trying to make a confession, but unable to proceed further; guilt prevailing. Guilt which makes you weak in your legs, guilt which mentally transcends you to another state even when the world around you is literally falling apart and is gone by the snap of your fingers, guilt which doesn't give you enough courage to confess and confide and guilt which beats the hell out of you over and over again.

But this can't go on.
This has to stop.
For now.Forever.

I need my peace of mind and my courage to work.

What is lost is lost.No regrets.
What lays ahead matters.Grab it.
Master the mind.It's a complete freak.
Start living the moment from now itself.

Well.I lay plonk on my bed to sleep for now, only with some confidence that I can keep the lid tight on my head till the time the morning rays pierce my retina, hit the grey matter and start 'just another day' in my life. Now with a difference.

New beginning,a fierce battle. I have fought many in the past and this just got bigger. No regrets.


Thursday, April 28, 2011

Ten point something.

Ten points to keep in mind to be a typical Indian 'young' and ‘famous’ novel writer.
  1. Disown the story
Start by saying that your piece of work is not a real life incident or a work of fiction. Tell them that it was either told to you by an auto-walah or a bus-conductor to pass time during the hectic traffic hours or that you found a personal diary blocking the flush in your bathroom.
  1. Your hero is employed. Preferably in a BPO.
The protagonist of your story is just a graduate, who has attended college to lose his virginity to a local girl. Make sure that he is employed in a job which doesn't work during the normal office hours(a BPO always fits this bill. Even the job of a male hooker does.)
Or your hero is a super-duper genius, graduating and post graduating from the top universities and B-schools, landing in a job (not on day zero)
  1. Now that you have chosen the type you want
If your hero belongs to the first category, he should be continuously checking out girls, two-time his girlfriend, drink lots of caffeine, listen to English music and should blow up money much to the dissatisfaction of his lower-middle class parents.
Coming to the second category, his work place should be at his girlfriends’ city, he has to go around licking his superiors ass (with competition from his colleagues), he should try winning his to-be-in-laws hearts and a should be not-so-good worker.
  1. Pardon me! The heroin!
For category one hero: His girl-friend-in-focus should be either from his office or a girl he has met through his friends at a local bar or the maid of honor when your hero was the best man at his friend’s wedding. She should be from a totally different culture and from a totally different part of the country where even our hero’s forefathers haven’t visited for picnic.
For category two: Let's put in some decency. The girl should be from the same toppe college, hot, outgoing and should have been in a live-in-relationship with our guy for atleast an year in college.
  1. Sex, sex and more sex
This holds the pulse. Try to put in as much as possible and make it as erotic as say 'Letters to penthouse.'
Category one hero’s should be out banging every weekend and class two hero’s should throughout their college (Don't forget the weekends later).Innovative, romantic and crazy ideas are well taken by the GenX. Orgy’s and swaps haven't been tried as yet. May be you can.
  1. The soap family
Family should be from the middle-class.
Mother should be traditional, god fearing, horoscope believer and a caste lover. She should be so caring that our hero finds it pretty irritating.
Father should be a government employee, due for retirement and should be a person who 'tries' talking to our hero once in a while (You know. Just to keep him in our pages) and has to be a person who is disappointed by our 'too-modern-an-outlook' hero. Sometimes he can be a tale twister too.
Cousins. The hero’s uncle/mothers elder brother should be a rich guy who has just married his daughter to some wealthy, undeserving guy and should help our hero’s mother find some wealthy matches with a handsome dowry. Other cousins who do nothing but show off to our hero’s mother making her more disappointed should be a part of the story.
  1. Siblings!
They are a part of the family but let me elucidate a bit.
Siblings should be sisters and should preferably belong to the younger generation so that mother can keep reminding our hero that he has a task on hand while the sister goes looking for a much older guy who is married and divorced with kids. This gives a feeling to our hero that he is somewhat sane when compared to other characters in his life.
  1. How to proceed?
I leave the story to you. But please see to it that you have all the above ingredients in place. Else you can sell your book for 95 rupees.
  1. The End?
Happy ending is a must, either by hook or crook. Don't worry even if the whole family of our hero and heroine are devastated or even if their parents disown them. Suppose our class one hero is kicked out of the 'in focus' girl friends life, see to it that he finds a girl before you pen down the last paragraph of your story.
  1. That's it?
Oh no! Please don't forget to write in the ‘Authors Note’ that you were a loser all your life and this book is your life saver. Dedication is your choice.(Be nice atleast here. Dedicate it to your parents and teachers)
Or if you think you have done well in life, write that you have an unsatisfactory job and you have written a book just to kick the boredom.

Well. That’s your checklist young writers (Trust me. Suppose I go for one, I'll for sure follow the above points).Happy scribbling!

P.S: I'm a fan of Chetan Bhagat.
And I think I forgot about the  character ‘friends’. They are the only support to our hero, his classmates and also ‘glass’mates. Try giving the utmost importance or you will be doomed! And please remember that abuses are a must.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Chaos:Charity se Hatke Aur Over Smart mat bano!

It was the month of April and the mercury was already touching the 38 degree mark.Abhi was on his way home after a meeting with a dealer who, held his advance without supplying goods,citing obscure reasons like account settle hogaya saab!After a lot of explanation and calculations, the supplier budged and agreed to supply the goods at the soonest 'with free transport cost!'.All that he said while Abhi was leaving was 'Black money hai saab!Bahut problem hora maintain karne mein.Aise vaise mistakes tho hote!Par white mein business karne ko mann hora nai'

The combined effects of the soaring sun beating down on his helmet,the strenuous session with the supplier and an encounter with a money parasitic cop left him irritated on the roads of Hyderabad.

He stopped at the mighty Khairatabad signals,where four arteries called roads carried,poured and exchanged from the heart of the city the blood called vehicles,the flow called traffic which never seemed to stop till the earth existed.

The place was every drivers nightmare,hell for the regulating cops,luck for the fining cops,a reason to hike rates for the auto wallahs,a place to sell wares for the hawkers,a reason to violate rules for a few and not to forget, a place to make some,no,loads of money for the beggars.

Abhi was in the midst of a wreck.Ready to explode any moment.

The category of persons determined to make money through sheer physical strain,without offering any goods or services in exchange approached the most irritated person on earth at that moment.He would sometimes brush them away or sometimes he would help them.This time he decided not to do either of the above.

It was a 14 year old kid.

He was rugged with dust on his face,some scars,dirty and torn clothes.A typical person of his class.
'Arey bhaiyya thoda paise dedo na.Bhook lag rahi hai.Khake do din hogaya.Aapko accha girl friend milegi.Please.Dedona.'
Abhi's turn at the signal was approaching.He didn't have time.'Tu bike pein bhait be.Baat karna tere se.'
The kid hopped onto the bike without any hesitation.
The signal turned green and Abhi flew with the stream,reached the other side of the cross roads and turned into a lane which was somewhat free from the mad traffic.

'Chal.Uth.' He said in a typical Hyderabadi ishtyle.

'Bol bhaiyya.Kya hona?Sow rupay ka change kya?Das rupay ka comission hota' the kid said with some aura.

'Chup bey tu.School ko jaa sakta na bey tu.'

'Paise kaun kamata ghar mein?Aise nai chalta hamare ghar mein!'

'Shaam mein school ke baad kaam karo bey!Paise kama sakta tu!'

'Kaam kaun deta.Arey woh tho chod do.Tu mereku kaam mein rakha tho kitte paise dega bol.'

'Tu kya kaam karta bey.Chal kuch tho bhi.1500 doonga.Aata kya.'

'1500 mein kya aata bhaiyya.Ye Khairatabad signal pei roj minimum 200 signals girte.Ek ek signal theen minute ko hota jismein mein minimum teen rupay kamaata hoon.Shaam mein tho traffic ke time mein tho minimum paanch rupay milte.Aur raat mein dus bhaje ke baad thode car waleh jo peeke rahte na,woh log to 100 rupaye ka note dete.Ab dekh mein ek din mein kitna kamata hoon.'

Abhi stood listening to the kid and calculating.200*4=800+peak time earnings of 200+night time earnings of 100/200=1,000/day

'Month mein itna paise kamane wale job mujhe dedo mein abhi ajaunga.Aur ye signals pein kaamane ke liye mein license bhi khareeda maloom!Aise vaise kaam nahi hai ye!School ko jaane se kya aata!?Food bhi kya milta school mein itta dal our itta chawal!Sunday sunday tho mein bawarchi mein biryani khake ek kotter dalke gahr ko jaake sota.'

Abhi had nothing to say.He was waiting for the flow to subside.

'Aur tera kaam kya hai?' the kid asked Abhi sensing the advantage he gained.

'Mera coffee shop hai.'

'Bole tho?Chai ka dukaan?Arey chai banane walah mere se jyada kamata tu?'

'Coffee shop boletho chai ka du...'

'Arey.Coffee shop bolke buildingaa banate,AC lagate,table lagate aur andar uniform mein engliss mein baat karte.Naama lagake chai biskit bhejte.Next mera wohi plan hai.Ek tent,ek bandi,ek kerosene ka stove our do flask.Chal.Mera time waste kardiya tuu.Theen signal hogaye shaayad.Pachas rupaye dedo.'

'Pachas rupaye kyon!?'

'Arey!Mujhe idhar tak leke aayana tu!Aur hamare secrets pure pooch liye!Mera time waste hogaya.Business mein bolte na uppartunity cost!Aisa hai ye!'

Without a second word Abhi flicked out his wallet and 'paid' the kid.He drove back home with a lesson for the day.Signals pey hoshiyar mat bano yaaro!


P.S:This incident is not a made up one.It is the result of a true encounter.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Mr.Perfect:Telugu movie review.

Vicky(Prabhas) is a game developer in Australia who doesn't believe in sacrificing for others and believes in deriving happiness form doing things which he only likes.He comes to India for his sisters marriage which is at a village in which he spent his childhood.He meets Priya(Kajal) there on the insistence of his parents and finds her to be completely different from the type of world in which he lives. Priya finds him attractive and is ready to sacrifice he likes and dislikes for Vicky,a concept which he feels doesn't work out in the long run.

Later he meets Maggy(Tapsee) through a contest in which they are declared 'made for each other' and feels that she is his perfect match as both think alike(like Irish coffee without foam) in any aspect.Maggy's father(Prakash Raj) is Vicky's employer,who doesn't like him for the attitude he has shown him in the past.He puts a condition to both Maggy and Vicky that he'll perform their marriage only if his relatives agree and tells him to attend his elder daughter's wedding.The rest of the story deals with how Prabhas tries to win their hearts and how he realises his mistake towards the end.

Prabhas is good in the role of Vicky.He looks cool in his outfits and trimmed hair and a toned body.His dialogue delivery is (obviously) different from his previous movies and he could have accented his language a bit. Kajal looks gorgeous and has put up apt emotions and is seen in sarees through most part of the movie. Tapsee adds to the charm and has fit well in the role of a pretty modern girl with her own rules.She has dubbed her voice for herself and it fits perfectly well with her character. Bramhanadam is wasted.Raghu Babu is mediocre with some cheap jokes. Sameer,Nasser,Muralimohan and others are apt.K Vishwanath takes up the role of knowledgeable old man and is perfect.It is disappointing to see Bharat, the child prodigy being
mocked as a baby elephant for his personality.

Dasarath who has handled a subject like Santosham in the past couldn't do proper justice to the movie.The main problem lies with the screenplay which isn't engaging enough though the concept of the movie sounds to be interesting enough.The movie seems to drag in parts. Dialogues aren't worth remembering save for a few. Prabhas tries using his signature 'darling' in a few places.

Music by Devi Shri Prasad is OK.The songs have been shot well.Background music goes well with the movie.There isn't much importance to scenic beauty in the movie. Editing is good.Production values by Dil Raju are good.Fights by Peter Heins are good especially the one in the swimming pool. Prabhas hasn't showcased much of his dancing skills in the movie.

On the whole the movie is clean with not much of an entertainment quotient but lots of sentiments in play.It might go somewhat well with the 'A' centers but we have to wait and see for the reaction from 'B' and 'C' centers as there isn't any .Go watch it once if you haven't watched a movie with your family in the recent times.A small respite for the struggling industry is what one can say!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Still objects:Captured!

My hand at some photography and some basic photo editing.Camera used:Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS
Brass bell.
The brass bell.The 'irony'?Chimes when man has got problems and also when an Angel gets his wings.
Exposure time 1/60 sec.Unedited,unmodified.

Not so hard 'nut' to crack!Multi product producer-water,pulp,fiber,oil and a hard shell.

The vanishing green standing bright against it's perpetrator-Steel and Concrete,captured by the destroyer-hommosapiens aka the wise man.
Photo shopped to pop colour. 
Here is the original

'O mighty sky!?When shalt I reach you!?'

Indian Post Box
A victim of modernisation. But still stands out bright amongst any s**t.

Note:Please note that this is NOT a disclaimer.All the above pictures belong to me!Any person whosoever,with any intention of using these pictures should contact me before taking your own decisions.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Just a day before the Valentines Day, I made the most horrible mistake ever.Things just went beyond my control and I tried my best then, but nothing could be done.The most unimaginable and abominable thing happened in our lives.We hit the roadblock and nothing could be done.

The consequences were bad.I took a few days to recover and get back to my normal life.I so wanted you badly then.I wanted to say sorry,but that wouldn't undo what had already happened.You were at your place,under caring hands.Me,on the other hand was drifting away in your thoughts.

As the days went by I only became more anxious.Sitting idle I would think of the days I first met you,our outings,the time we spent together,the time spent with our friends and a what not!I kept inquiring about you through my sources and I was assured that you were doing well,slowly recovering and in no time you would be yourself,again.That was one huge relief for me, but I only wanted you to get back to me.

Friends,acquaintances and all those connected to us called me for support.We all started missing you very much but there was nothing we could actually do.We waited and waited,just to see if anything would happen in the days to come.I only kept striking off the calender, counting the days, just hoping if I would see you ever again.

A few days earlier I got the news that a lot has happened in the past two months and we might never meet again as you may find a new place and move on.That day I was distressed to the depths.

Looking at my dejected state,friends and family offered me support.They said that life was such that we tend to loose people and things we love at some point of time or the other.That was some convincing, but I couldn't get over you.You were etched too deep into my heart to be erased.

Finally it was my father who acted.He met those caring hands of yours and did his best,like any father would.He didn't wait and think of what was to come but he knew what I wanted.And it was reasonable enough.

Unknown of the above fact,I got a call later in the evening that you were finally coming home.I was very frozen for a moment,digesting this fact that we were meeting finally.I ran downstairs and started waiting for you at the gate.

There you were!Gleaming with the aura you posses,sparkling eyes,gliding along-firm but silent,beautiful and bit of a stunner !We finally meet.My joy knew no bounds and I went crazy all over the place.Your name was on my lips and I told every soul alive on the earth of your home coming.Everyone had a reason to be happy then.

Now that we are back together again,I assure you that never in my life will I or even let anyone else cause any harm to you.We shall dodge and kick any harm coming our way and continue our smooth journey towards our destination.

With love

Well.Though the fact is that my lover can't read/hear/see things by herself,my touch is something that she can feel for sure.

Dear readers.Thanks for patiently reading through the post but it might annoy you that I have just personified my car as my lover.And it might further add to your annoyance that it is a 15 year old Maruti 800(Fondly called as 'The Beast or 'The Jag')'.It has always been part and parcel of my life and has it's share of the minuscule success I have had in my life to-date.

Next time you see one white Maruti plying on the roads of Hyderabad,shining,looking brand new,and the numbers on the license plate adds to 9 ,and you feel that it's travelling a bit beyond it's engine capacity given it's age and you also feel that the driver is rash,feel free to catch up and knock on my window to say Hi!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Anna Hazare:The time India is cleansed.

'62 years after independence and we still do not have independent and effective anticorruption systems.'
This is what Anna Hazare has effectively pointed out in his letter to the the PM.

At his age,Anna Hazare would have been just anothe senior citizen,drawing money out of his pension,reading the daily newspaper,checking his deposits and thinking if he can survive the spiralling inflation and growing prices in the years to come.

But no.

Instead of doing the umpteen discusiions of how corrupt the Governement officers in our country are,he has taken up the cause to push forward the governemnt in passing the Jan Lokpal Bill.

Supported by eminent personalities like Kiran Bedi,Sri Sri Ravi Shanker,and Mallika Sarabhai;Anna Hazare is fast reaching the masses with his indefinite fast which has entered the third day today.

While the Congress is taking cover saying that they are still in the process of drafting the anti-corruption bill,Anna Hazare is in no mood to listen.He has waited 62 years and nothing seems to move an inch forward.

The Jan Lokpal Bill,which he is fighting for is a draft anti-corruption bill drafted by prominet social activists,which provides a legal framework
-for setting up an independent body called Jan Lokpal,which handles cases against corruption by investigating,confiscating (the ill-wealth of the corrupted) and also punishing them without the intervention of the Government.
-which completes trails within a period of one year and also sent to jail(if found guilty) within a period of two years.
-loss cause by that person to be recovered.
-penalties to be imposed on guilty officers and the same to be given as compensation to complainant.
-members of Lokpal not to be appointed by politicians,but by judges and citizens.

Anna Hazare has already found a lot of support in popular social networking sites and his moment is gaining strength from pillar to post.More people are supporting his cause everyday.

Now.If frivolous,frothy and unnecessary fasts by equally lame persons have made the Government take notice,why can't a moment, if eventful and which can change the face of our nation and which has also caught the pulse of every disgusted and frustrated Indian force the Goverment to throw up and enact what we want!?

Private life and obligations and compulsions impede us to join such great moments.But why not lend support for this old man and fast for a day?Think.

I'm fasting today.Are you?

To join the official FastwithAnna,join
To join the official Anna Hazare page
Anna Hazare's 5 point letter to PM:


Monday, April 4, 2011

There is a bit of Google in everyone's life!


Warning:The following article on technology is just from a layman's point of view.To be specific,it's from a commerce student who knows a bit of technology to survive.No algorithms,no stats.Plain,simple language.

It all started with an argument(No.Not Google).My brother was of the opinion that Google will one day be in a position to hold the world ransom to the information it possess, as people are getting addicted to Google and it's products day by day.That only transformed into a louder and an argumentative session(but I didn't budge)

Little did Larry Page and Sergey Brin know that their research project in 1996 would enrich internet experience across the globe for ages to come and that their company would turn out to be one of the largest and the most valued ones across the world.

An average user who logs onto the net experiences Google at least once in every session. A grandfather sitting in front of his computer looking at his new born grandson is using Picasa. Gmail is one of the fastest growing web based email site,which also offers personalized email for free.A person new to a place uses Google maps to go around.Friends can spot your location through Google Latitude.Google Scholar is adding scores of eBooks everyday for easy reference.People use YouTube to share,view and explore videos which are added every minute at an amazing rate.A mobile freak is using the latest Android OS developed by Google on his mobile or table(and soon on his PC).People write stuff on Blogs and people read them. An entrepreneur uses GoogleAds to promote himself.Google Earth is being used to map the world,enabling people to get a bird's eye view of the world they are living in(it was very helpful during the recent Tsunami in Japan).People connected and re-connected through one of the first and most famous social networking sites, Orkut(For most, it was the platform to get to know about the very existence of Facebook.Trust me).The search engine is used so extensively that people stopped thinking and started looking for instant answers.Google Chrome is touted as the world's fastest and lightest browser, now found next to the Internet Explorer icon on every computer. Google talk for live video and audio chat and Google Docs for viewing a document without downloading it and also to create live polls!

The larger penetration of internet has made this even bigger.Mobile versions of the websites and customised applications have made it accessible and a whole lot easier.An average GPRS phone can open Google on the mobile browser and enable search.Google even customizes the websites for mobile viewing so that we can access it conveniently.A light weight,no frills application for Gmail is available for many mobiles which lets you access your mail conveniently.There is also a mobile YouTube and a Picasa application.Google Maps on the phone doubles up as a mini GPS device.

And the best part?You get the whole package for nothing but an ID!

Things don't come easily.A lot of innovation has gone into making the above and is still going into getting new products out.Google, with around 25,000 employees across the world, is rated(and invariably is) as one of the world's best companies to work with.

Bouquets come with brickbats.Google's concept of page rank to search web has come into such harsh criticism that many websites which might serve our query are eliminated from the initial results.It is also being criticized for infringement of others' IPR by compiling information.China recently banned Google as it was posing a threat to local search engines.Google Maps were criticized for their images of highly secure and sensitive locations.

Despite all odds, Google still stands to be a powerful tool for internet users across the globe.It has had its fair share of ups and downs and criticisms all through the journey. Its unofficial tagline says,"Don't be evil!" So if we want the global village to be the best to live in, why be evil? Face it,today,every individual has to thank his stars for being born in a generation that uses Google at every stage.Imagine what we would do without Google. How would I have written this article and how would you have read it!

P.S:I'm not, in any way, connected to Google nor is Google to me. After all they're Google. They don't need any publicity or marketing of any kind. All this is the result of an argument and my experience of Google. 

---> KN

Sunday, April 3, 2011

This is what I did to make India win!

Sentiments play an important role and I contributed my best towards team India winning the world cup. Here is an account of what I did and what I thought I should do based on my past experience of watching high voltage and important matches.

-I made it a point not to stay at home for the toss and initial overs of the first innings. I came home well after the fifteenth over of SriLankan batting.

-I was continuously texting and facebooking during the Srilankan innings. I later realised that I didn't do that during the semi-finals. I threw my phone away, locked right after Sachin got out. Sorry sis! This is the reason why I didn't unlock my phone and give it to you!

-My dad arranged comfortable seating in front of the screen for viewing the match and I got it removed. That wasn't there during the T20 final! Sorry Dad! History in the making!

-I didn't use the washroom even though I had to.

-I saw to it that I lay flat on the couch while watching the crucial overs. I was sitting when India lost wickets.

-I didn't want to eat till the match ended. On my mom’s persistence, I ate, but only during the drinks break and in between the overs.

-I didn't use any world cup ringtones or wallpapers all through the tournament.

-I was continuously telling people that India would lose(though I knew for sure they would make it!)

-I stayed at home for the match rather that going out and watching it with ecstatic crowd. Victory is what we need! Not fun!

-I didn't change my clothes even after coming home. I watched the match in my formals only.

Sentiments that worked for India
-Sachin not hitting centuries in crucial matches.
-Dhoni's stats against Srilanka.
-Sreesanth in the final match even though Dhoni knew that he can't bowl well.
-The very dependable pair of Dhoni and Yuvaraj finishing.
-Rajnikanth attending the match!

Sentiments which people thought would work against India
-Starting as favourites.
-India losing the toss and bowling first.
-A very small percentage of chasing teams winning the world cup final.(2/9 previously)
-A century by the opposition in the first innings.

Well! We are Indians after all! Sentiments are a part and parcel of our life and we don't mind admitting them!

This is what I did to make India win. What did you do!?

Bleed blue! Forever!


Disclaimer:Bleed Blue and the logo belong to Nike.And I don't think they mind me using it in my post.And Nike, thank you very much for the phrase!We love it!