Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The MakeOver-A nerd's experience as a virtual barber

My mailbox was had nothing but bullshit!As a matter of fact,ever mail box does!

Though i keep opening it regularly,(I'm talking per hour basis) it still showed me 3479 unread messages.So i thought that it was time i give it a proper hair cut,trim some nails,wax few limbs and get it to a proper shape.So I became a beautician for the next three hours...I wanted my girl to look the way I want her to.......

And my work started.

Newsletters were many.They were from some websites I signed up previously(for no reason).The first thing I did was unsubscribe from them.They were courteous enough to give me a link to do that.

The next category of mails is from the social networking sites.Invitations to play farmville,wage some mafia wars,join groups(in fact I first couldn't decide whether to join 'Separate Telangana' or 'United Andhra' group.I went for the latter),support some cause,comments on posts,pictures.....what else and what not!Alas!People have started growing farms on their desktops!

In the midst of these are mails from few who send mails giving you sermons for life!(as if a single mail can change the way you live and think.My mom still shouts at me for not tidying my room.She has been doing this for the past 20 years and she will continue to do it till I get married and my wife starts hitting me for the same :P)Dude,send me those only after you succeed with those principles in life!

Another category of mails which annoys me the most are mails with pictures of gods which say "Send this to 20 people in the next 10 minutes.Otherwise bad luck will follow you!".Get some life guys!God is not tracking that mail!Is he really workless to curse you for no reason?First of all he is searching for people whom he can bless.There is a serious shortage of people doing something 'good'.On top of it,he is facing competition from the 'human' gods,coz the public at large are contended with blessings of gurus who do meditation in the morning and have sex in the evening,and those who cough up idols,produce gold,and who make ash using their fingers and not by burning wood(i think they have some environmental awareness).The worst part of it is that they pay those gurus for that when our own God is giving it to us for 'free'.

The next category of mails is the 'money making' mails.Why do you think that a dedicated wife would sit in-front of the computer and forward mails telling everyone that her husband is dying?All that she gets(according to the mail) is a mere 10 paise for every forward.It would take approximately 20 lakh mails for her to arrange a reasonably good amount of money for the treatment.By the time she gets the money is arranged,the requirement would only double or triple(and as if Yahoo has enough money to pay her and many others like her...........)

In addition to these are the promotions.I seriously don't know how these big companies can literally 'waste' so much of man power and money on their promotion.I use the word waste coz I can say without pausing even for a moment that 99% of us don't even care to open it.(I left the 1% because there are a few who are happy to find some mail or the other in their mail boxes).On top of that we are chased by them while watching TV,on the FM networks,through irritating phone calls during odd hours,SMS,in the newspapers,while standing in the bus,while sitting in the plane,while walking on the road,and even when pissing in the train!!!!!

Want Viagra at 80% off??Look into the Spam mail.From medical stuff to internet accounts,Spam is the best place for those people who want some real stuff!The positive aspect of the sex industry is the R&D that goes into developing products which increase the pleasure in a man or a woman.Every step takes them to a 'higher' level.Look at the range of products they offer man!(even girls.There are many in store for you too).I strongly feel that an A C Nielson committee should be appointed to make a monetary estimation of that industry.Atleast legalising it will bring the Government additional revenues in form of 'service' tax' and 'customs duty'.

Of many,the last category i would like to quote are mails from strangers telling me that their grandfathers had given my grandfather some money to be invested for making a profitable return,and that the investment has now become some millions!All that he wants is a mere 25%(of a few millions according to him) That would be the last thing that would happen to anyone! Who would want the Income Tax people to come knocking on your door and charge you for the taxes your fore-fathers didn't pay!(with interest of course.The tax payable may even turn out to be larger than what you would get!)

In the midst of these mails lie the cherished ones....It's like finding an Indian in Pakistan :P...........They are the mails which radiate love,share joy,and make you feel closer to the other person......They are not mails.They are what?For me....Invaluable!!!!! 

Monday, April 26, 2010

Learning from others mistakes?Look through the nerds eye....

The other day I was reading about the 'drama' by a Hyderabad based NRI involved in the scam of money laundering.The person being the director of 'City Limousines Ltd.' reportedly accepted deposits to the tune of Rs.1,500 crores and.....yeah your right.He ran away with the money.

This isn't the first time that such a thing has happened.The promise of large returns has always lured the middle class to invest blindly.

Lets work out a simple math.The banks offer a return of 8% on the fixed deposits.These fraudsters attract you with a RoI @ 16%.That means that the companies should at least earn a return of 27-30% on the investment to pay the deposit holders,meet other expenses and pocket a handsome profit.This in turn means that the person doing business with the company has to earn 36% on his investment to survive.Why would a person shell out that extra money when there are others offering him the same for a much lesser price!?So with the cash losses mounting,the directors have got no other option but to run away with what is remaining.Hard earned money is down the drain.....No.It's in others pockets.....

This happened before.People don't learnt from others mistakes.....

Lets take another example.

Few months ago,a doctor got an e-mail from an unknown person which said that the doctor had won 50K GBP in a lottery(lott of money!) and that he had to mail the reply to the person via e-mail to claim the money.The doctor shelled out money so that the person could clear 'legal' barriers and send him the lottery amount.What happened next is something everyone knows...
A few days later,a software engineer(yes our very own Hi-Tech walah) was duped on the same lines.

People don't learnt from others mistakes.....

Lets take another scenario.The Global recession.

The internet boom started in the 1990's.People were buying computers and taking internet connections(telephone lines provided by VSNL with a 'free' e-mail id).Business started with websites.This saw the formation of JV's which saw investors putting in money heavily in the website business.BOOM!It wasn't long before the famous 'dotcom burst'.

Coming to our Global Recession.The real estate boom saw excess lending on the same security(Subprime crisis-Citi Bank).MBS were brought by major banks in Europe and America.The liquidity crunch followed with the real estate crashing,and mortgagees unable to pay up their loans.Liquidity crunch followed and thus the 'recession' phase of the economic cycle started all over the world.

I'm not saying that the dotcom burst had something to do with the GR.The common factor in the above two examples is high expectations of high returns.The bubble eventually has to burst........

Nothing was learnt from previous mistakes....

By using a wee bit of commonsense and learning from others lessons,many other situations like above can be prevented.You don't need an educational qualification nor a great work experience to take decisions in situations that you come across in daily life.After all Indians are born logical!(That's the reason why the IT industry is booming with our engineers writing algos,bugging and debugging.On the other hand the number of patents pending approval are 716 compared to 40k from the US and 30k from China.)

It's only that we have to look at a situation with an eye of spotting a loop hole,as Sherlock Holmes says "I was looking for it!"


Le début

I've been obsessed.Completely obsessed.

Don't know what's got into my mind lately, but I've been dying to write.My finger tips have become sore due to constant messaging.My tongue is running dry after hours and hours of crap talk.Blogging my brains out looked like a good option.

So why name it 'nerd base'?
Well.That's what I'm well known as among my friends (pity those who don't know me for what I am!Well I'm proud of it though :P).

The next question.What's that I'm gonna write?
For God sake,I have no idea.But one thing people(Whoof!i'm already using a plural!)please try to put up with my weired sense of humor.Remember that you are on a nerd base.

That's all for now.Want to write more,but it struck me just now that I have my Univ exam tomorrow.Gtg!


Note:I don't think that I have to write that this is my first hand at blogging.