Thursday, April 28, 2011

Ten point something.

Ten points to keep in mind to be a typical Indian 'young' and ‘famous’ novel writer.
  1. Disown the story
Start by saying that your piece of work is not a real life incident or a work of fiction. Tell them that it was either told to you by an auto-walah or a bus-conductor to pass time during the hectic traffic hours or that you found a personal diary blocking the flush in your bathroom.
  1. Your hero is employed. Preferably in a BPO.
The protagonist of your story is just a graduate, who has attended college to lose his virginity to a local girl. Make sure that he is employed in a job which doesn't work during the normal office hours(a BPO always fits this bill. Even the job of a male hooker does.)
Or your hero is a super-duper genius, graduating and post graduating from the top universities and B-schools, landing in a job (not on day zero)
  1. Now that you have chosen the type you want
If your hero belongs to the first category, he should be continuously checking out girls, two-time his girlfriend, drink lots of caffeine, listen to English music and should blow up money much to the dissatisfaction of his lower-middle class parents.
Coming to the second category, his work place should be at his girlfriends’ city, he has to go around licking his superiors ass (with competition from his colleagues), he should try winning his to-be-in-laws hearts and a should be not-so-good worker.
  1. Pardon me! The heroin!
For category one hero: His girl-friend-in-focus should be either from his office or a girl he has met through his friends at a local bar or the maid of honor when your hero was the best man at his friend’s wedding. She should be from a totally different culture and from a totally different part of the country where even our hero’s forefathers haven’t visited for picnic.
For category two: Let's put in some decency. The girl should be from the same toppe college, hot, outgoing and should have been in a live-in-relationship with our guy for atleast an year in college.
  1. Sex, sex and more sex
This holds the pulse. Try to put in as much as possible and make it as erotic as say 'Letters to penthouse.'
Category one hero’s should be out banging every weekend and class two hero’s should throughout their college (Don't forget the weekends later).Innovative, romantic and crazy ideas are well taken by the GenX. Orgy’s and swaps haven't been tried as yet. May be you can.
  1. The soap family
Family should be from the middle-class.
Mother should be traditional, god fearing, horoscope believer and a caste lover. She should be so caring that our hero finds it pretty irritating.
Father should be a government employee, due for retirement and should be a person who 'tries' talking to our hero once in a while (You know. Just to keep him in our pages) and has to be a person who is disappointed by our 'too-modern-an-outlook' hero. Sometimes he can be a tale twister too.
Cousins. The hero’s uncle/mothers elder brother should be a rich guy who has just married his daughter to some wealthy, undeserving guy and should help our hero’s mother find some wealthy matches with a handsome dowry. Other cousins who do nothing but show off to our hero’s mother making her more disappointed should be a part of the story.
  1. Siblings!
They are a part of the family but let me elucidate a bit.
Siblings should be sisters and should preferably belong to the younger generation so that mother can keep reminding our hero that he has a task on hand while the sister goes looking for a much older guy who is married and divorced with kids. This gives a feeling to our hero that he is somewhat sane when compared to other characters in his life.
  1. How to proceed?
I leave the story to you. But please see to it that you have all the above ingredients in place. Else you can sell your book for 95 rupees.
  1. The End?
Happy ending is a must, either by hook or crook. Don't worry even if the whole family of our hero and heroine are devastated or even if their parents disown them. Suppose our class one hero is kicked out of the 'in focus' girl friends life, see to it that he finds a girl before you pen down the last paragraph of your story.
  1. That's it?
Oh no! Please don't forget to write in the ‘Authors Note’ that you were a loser all your life and this book is your life saver. Dedication is your choice.(Be nice atleast here. Dedicate it to your parents and teachers)
Or if you think you have done well in life, write that you have an unsatisfactory job and you have written a book just to kick the boredom.

Well. That’s your checklist young writers (Trust me. Suppose I go for one, I'll for sure follow the above points).Happy scribbling!

P.S: I'm a fan of Chetan Bhagat.
And I think I forgot about the  character ‘friends’. They are the only support to our hero, his classmates and also ‘glass’mates. Try giving the utmost importance or you will be doomed! And please remember that abuses are a must.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Chaos:Charity se Hatke Aur Over Smart mat bano!

It was the month of April and the mercury was already touching the 38 degree mark.Abhi was on his way home after a meeting with a dealer who, held his advance without supplying goods,citing obscure reasons like account settle hogaya saab!After a lot of explanation and calculations, the supplier budged and agreed to supply the goods at the soonest 'with free transport cost!'.All that he said while Abhi was leaving was 'Black money hai saab!Bahut problem hora maintain karne mein.Aise vaise mistakes tho hote!Par white mein business karne ko mann hora nai'

The combined effects of the soaring sun beating down on his helmet,the strenuous session with the supplier and an encounter with a money parasitic cop left him irritated on the roads of Hyderabad.

He stopped at the mighty Khairatabad signals,where four arteries called roads carried,poured and exchanged from the heart of the city the blood called vehicles,the flow called traffic which never seemed to stop till the earth existed.

The place was every drivers nightmare,hell for the regulating cops,luck for the fining cops,a reason to hike rates for the auto wallahs,a place to sell wares for the hawkers,a reason to violate rules for a few and not to forget, a place to make some,no,loads of money for the beggars.

Abhi was in the midst of a wreck.Ready to explode any moment.

The category of persons determined to make money through sheer physical strain,without offering any goods or services in exchange approached the most irritated person on earth at that moment.He would sometimes brush them away or sometimes he would help them.This time he decided not to do either of the above.

It was a 14 year old kid.

He was rugged with dust on his face,some scars,dirty and torn clothes.A typical person of his class.
'Arey bhaiyya thoda paise dedo na.Bhook lag rahi hai.Khake do din hogaya.Aapko accha girl friend milegi.Please.Dedona.'
Abhi's turn at the signal was approaching.He didn't have time.'Tu bike pein bhait be.Baat karna tere se.'
The kid hopped onto the bike without any hesitation.
The signal turned green and Abhi flew with the stream,reached the other side of the cross roads and turned into a lane which was somewhat free from the mad traffic.

'Chal.Uth.' He said in a typical Hyderabadi ishtyle.

'Bol bhaiyya.Kya hona?Sow rupay ka change kya?Das rupay ka comission hota' the kid said with some aura.

'Chup bey tu.School ko jaa sakta na bey tu.'

'Paise kaun kamata ghar mein?Aise nai chalta hamare ghar mein!'

'Shaam mein school ke baad kaam karo bey!Paise kama sakta tu!'

'Kaam kaun deta.Arey woh tho chod do.Tu mereku kaam mein rakha tho kitte paise dega bol.'

'Tu kya kaam karta bey.Chal kuch tho bhi.1500 doonga.Aata kya.'

'1500 mein kya aata bhaiyya.Ye Khairatabad signal pei roj minimum 200 signals girte.Ek ek signal theen minute ko hota jismein mein minimum teen rupay kamaata hoon.Shaam mein tho traffic ke time mein tho minimum paanch rupay milte.Aur raat mein dus bhaje ke baad thode car waleh jo peeke rahte na,woh log to 100 rupaye ka note dete.Ab dekh mein ek din mein kitna kamata hoon.'

Abhi stood listening to the kid and calculating.200*4=800+peak time earnings of 200+night time earnings of 100/200=1,000/day

'Month mein itna paise kamane wale job mujhe dedo mein abhi ajaunga.Aur ye signals pein kaamane ke liye mein license bhi khareeda maloom!Aise vaise kaam nahi hai ye!School ko jaane se kya aata!?Food bhi kya milta school mein itta dal our itta chawal!Sunday sunday tho mein bawarchi mein biryani khake ek kotter dalke gahr ko jaake sota.'

Abhi had nothing to say.He was waiting for the flow to subside.

'Aur tera kaam kya hai?' the kid asked Abhi sensing the advantage he gained.

'Mera coffee shop hai.'

'Bole tho?Chai ka dukaan?Arey chai banane walah mere se jyada kamata tu?'

'Coffee shop boletho chai ka du...'

'Arey.Coffee shop bolke buildingaa banate,AC lagate,table lagate aur andar uniform mein engliss mein baat karte.Naama lagake chai biskit bhejte.Next mera wohi plan hai.Ek tent,ek bandi,ek kerosene ka stove our do flask.Chal.Mera time waste kardiya tuu.Theen signal hogaye shaayad.Pachas rupaye dedo.'

'Pachas rupaye kyon!?'

'Arey!Mujhe idhar tak leke aayana tu!Aur hamare secrets pure pooch liye!Mera time waste hogaya.Business mein bolte na uppartunity cost!Aisa hai ye!'

Without a second word Abhi flicked out his wallet and 'paid' the kid.He drove back home with a lesson for the day.Signals pey hoshiyar mat bano yaaro!


P.S:This incident is not a made up one.It is the result of a true encounter.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Mr.Perfect:Telugu movie review.

Vicky(Prabhas) is a game developer in Australia who doesn't believe in sacrificing for others and believes in deriving happiness form doing things which he only likes.He comes to India for his sisters marriage which is at a village in which he spent his childhood.He meets Priya(Kajal) there on the insistence of his parents and finds her to be completely different from the type of world in which he lives. Priya finds him attractive and is ready to sacrifice he likes and dislikes for Vicky,a concept which he feels doesn't work out in the long run.

Later he meets Maggy(Tapsee) through a contest in which they are declared 'made for each other' and feels that she is his perfect match as both think alike(like Irish coffee without foam) in any aspect.Maggy's father(Prakash Raj) is Vicky's employer,who doesn't like him for the attitude he has shown him in the past.He puts a condition to both Maggy and Vicky that he'll perform their marriage only if his relatives agree and tells him to attend his elder daughter's wedding.The rest of the story deals with how Prabhas tries to win their hearts and how he realises his mistake towards the end.

Prabhas is good in the role of Vicky.He looks cool in his outfits and trimmed hair and a toned body.His dialogue delivery is (obviously) different from his previous movies and he could have accented his language a bit. Kajal looks gorgeous and has put up apt emotions and is seen in sarees through most part of the movie. Tapsee adds to the charm and has fit well in the role of a pretty modern girl with her own rules.She has dubbed her voice for herself and it fits perfectly well with her character. Bramhanadam is wasted.Raghu Babu is mediocre with some cheap jokes. Sameer,Nasser,Muralimohan and others are apt.K Vishwanath takes up the role of knowledgeable old man and is perfect.It is disappointing to see Bharat, the child prodigy being
mocked as a baby elephant for his personality.

Dasarath who has handled a subject like Santosham in the past couldn't do proper justice to the movie.The main problem lies with the screenplay which isn't engaging enough though the concept of the movie sounds to be interesting enough.The movie seems to drag in parts. Dialogues aren't worth remembering save for a few. Prabhas tries using his signature 'darling' in a few places.

Music by Devi Shri Prasad is OK.The songs have been shot well.Background music goes well with the movie.There isn't much importance to scenic beauty in the movie. Editing is good.Production values by Dil Raju are good.Fights by Peter Heins are good especially the one in the swimming pool. Prabhas hasn't showcased much of his dancing skills in the movie.

On the whole the movie is clean with not much of an entertainment quotient but lots of sentiments in play.It might go somewhat well with the 'A' centers but we have to wait and see for the reaction from 'B' and 'C' centers as there isn't any .Go watch it once if you haven't watched a movie with your family in the recent times.A small respite for the struggling industry is what one can say!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Still objects:Captured!

My hand at some photography and some basic photo editing.Camera used:Canon PowerShot SX 10 IS
Brass bell.
The brass bell.The 'irony'?Chimes when man has got problems and also when an Angel gets his wings.
Exposure time 1/60 sec.Unedited,unmodified.

Not so hard 'nut' to crack!Multi product producer-water,pulp,fiber,oil and a hard shell.

The vanishing green standing bright against it's perpetrator-Steel and Concrete,captured by the destroyer-hommosapiens aka the wise man.
Photo shopped to pop colour. 
Here is the original

'O mighty sky!?When shalt I reach you!?'

Indian Post Box
A victim of modernisation. But still stands out bright amongst any s**t.

Note:Please note that this is NOT a disclaimer.All the above pictures belong to me!Any person whosoever,with any intention of using these pictures should contact me before taking your own decisions.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Just a day before the Valentines Day, I made the most horrible mistake ever.Things just went beyond my control and I tried my best then, but nothing could be done.The most unimaginable and abominable thing happened in our lives.We hit the roadblock and nothing could be done.

The consequences were bad.I took a few days to recover and get back to my normal life.I so wanted you badly then.I wanted to say sorry,but that wouldn't undo what had already happened.You were at your place,under caring hands.Me,on the other hand was drifting away in your thoughts.

As the days went by I only became more anxious.Sitting idle I would think of the days I first met you,our outings,the time we spent together,the time spent with our friends and a what not!I kept inquiring about you through my sources and I was assured that you were doing well,slowly recovering and in no time you would be yourself,again.That was one huge relief for me, but I only wanted you to get back to me.

Friends,acquaintances and all those connected to us called me for support.We all started missing you very much but there was nothing we could actually do.We waited and waited,just to see if anything would happen in the days to come.I only kept striking off the calender, counting the days, just hoping if I would see you ever again.

A few days earlier I got the news that a lot has happened in the past two months and we might never meet again as you may find a new place and move on.That day I was distressed to the depths.

Looking at my dejected state,friends and family offered me support.They said that life was such that we tend to loose people and things we love at some point of time or the other.That was some convincing, but I couldn't get over you.You were etched too deep into my heart to be erased.

Finally it was my father who acted.He met those caring hands of yours and did his best,like any father would.He didn't wait and think of what was to come but he knew what I wanted.And it was reasonable enough.

Unknown of the above fact,I got a call later in the evening that you were finally coming home.I was very frozen for a moment,digesting this fact that we were meeting finally.I ran downstairs and started waiting for you at the gate.

There you were!Gleaming with the aura you posses,sparkling eyes,gliding along-firm but silent,beautiful and bit of a stunner !We finally meet.My joy knew no bounds and I went crazy all over the place.Your name was on my lips and I told every soul alive on the earth of your home coming.Everyone had a reason to be happy then.

Now that we are back together again,I assure you that never in my life will I or even let anyone else cause any harm to you.We shall dodge and kick any harm coming our way and continue our smooth journey towards our destination.

With love

Well.Though the fact is that my lover can't read/hear/see things by herself,my touch is something that she can feel for sure.

Dear readers.Thanks for patiently reading through the post but it might annoy you that I have just personified my car as my lover.And it might further add to your annoyance that it is a 15 year old Maruti 800(Fondly called as 'The Beast or 'The Jag')'.It has always been part and parcel of my life and has it's share of the minuscule success I have had in my life to-date.

Next time you see one white Maruti plying on the roads of Hyderabad,shining,looking brand new,and the numbers on the license plate adds to 9 ,and you feel that it's travelling a bit beyond it's engine capacity given it's age and you also feel that the driver is rash,feel free to catch up and knock on my window to say Hi!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Anna Hazare:The time India is cleansed.

'62 years after independence and we still do not have independent and effective anticorruption systems.'
This is what Anna Hazare has effectively pointed out in his letter to the the PM.

At his age,Anna Hazare would have been just anothe senior citizen,drawing money out of his pension,reading the daily newspaper,checking his deposits and thinking if he can survive the spiralling inflation and growing prices in the years to come.

But no.

Instead of doing the umpteen discusiions of how corrupt the Governement officers in our country are,he has taken up the cause to push forward the governemnt in passing the Jan Lokpal Bill.

Supported by eminent personalities like Kiran Bedi,Sri Sri Ravi Shanker,and Mallika Sarabhai;Anna Hazare is fast reaching the masses with his indefinite fast which has entered the third day today.

While the Congress is taking cover saying that they are still in the process of drafting the anti-corruption bill,Anna Hazare is in no mood to listen.He has waited 62 years and nothing seems to move an inch forward.

The Jan Lokpal Bill,which he is fighting for is a draft anti-corruption bill drafted by prominet social activists,which provides a legal framework
-for setting up an independent body called Jan Lokpal,which handles cases against corruption by investigating,confiscating (the ill-wealth of the corrupted) and also punishing them without the intervention of the Government.
-which completes trails within a period of one year and also sent to jail(if found guilty) within a period of two years.
-loss cause by that person to be recovered.
-penalties to be imposed on guilty officers and the same to be given as compensation to complainant.
-members of Lokpal not to be appointed by politicians,but by judges and citizens.

Anna Hazare has already found a lot of support in popular social networking sites and his moment is gaining strength from pillar to post.More people are supporting his cause everyday.

Now.If frivolous,frothy and unnecessary fasts by equally lame persons have made the Government take notice,why can't a moment, if eventful and which can change the face of our nation and which has also caught the pulse of every disgusted and frustrated Indian force the Goverment to throw up and enact what we want!?

Private life and obligations and compulsions impede us to join such great moments.But why not lend support for this old man and fast for a day?Think.

I'm fasting today.Are you?

To join the official FastwithAnna,join
To join the official Anna Hazare page
Anna Hazare's 5 point letter to PM:


Monday, April 4, 2011

There is a bit of Google in everyone's life!


Warning:The following article on technology is just from a layman's point of view.To be specific,it's from a commerce student who knows a bit of technology to survive.No algorithms,no stats.Plain,simple language.

It all started with an argument(No.Not Google).My brother was of the opinion that Google will one day be in a position to hold the world ransom to the information it possess, as people are getting addicted to Google and it's products day by day.That only transformed into a louder and an argumentative session(but I didn't budge)

Little did Larry Page and Sergey Brin know that their research project in 1996 would enrich internet experience across the globe for ages to come and that their company would turn out to be one of the largest and the most valued ones across the world.

An average user who logs onto the net experiences Google at least once in every session. A grandfather sitting in front of his computer looking at his new born grandson is using Picasa. Gmail is one of the fastest growing web based email site,which also offers personalized email for free.A person new to a place uses Google maps to go around.Friends can spot your location through Google Latitude.Google Scholar is adding scores of eBooks everyday for easy reference.People use YouTube to share,view and explore videos which are added every minute at an amazing rate.A mobile freak is using the latest Android OS developed by Google on his mobile or table(and soon on his PC).People write stuff on Blogs and people read them. An entrepreneur uses GoogleAds to promote himself.Google Earth is being used to map the world,enabling people to get a bird's eye view of the world they are living in(it was very helpful during the recent Tsunami in Japan).People connected and re-connected through one of the first and most famous social networking sites, Orkut(For most, it was the platform to get to know about the very existence of Facebook.Trust me).The search engine is used so extensively that people stopped thinking and started looking for instant answers.Google Chrome is touted as the world's fastest and lightest browser, now found next to the Internet Explorer icon on every computer. Google talk for live video and audio chat and Google Docs for viewing a document without downloading it and also to create live polls!

The larger penetration of internet has made this even bigger.Mobile versions of the websites and customised applications have made it accessible and a whole lot easier.An average GPRS phone can open Google on the mobile browser and enable search.Google even customizes the websites for mobile viewing so that we can access it conveniently.A light weight,no frills application for Gmail is available for many mobiles which lets you access your mail conveniently.There is also a mobile YouTube and a Picasa application.Google Maps on the phone doubles up as a mini GPS device.

And the best part?You get the whole package for nothing but an ID!

Things don't come easily.A lot of innovation has gone into making the above and is still going into getting new products out.Google, with around 25,000 employees across the world, is rated(and invariably is) as one of the world's best companies to work with.

Bouquets come with brickbats.Google's concept of page rank to search web has come into such harsh criticism that many websites which might serve our query are eliminated from the initial results.It is also being criticized for infringement of others' IPR by compiling information.China recently banned Google as it was posing a threat to local search engines.Google Maps were criticized for their images of highly secure and sensitive locations.

Despite all odds, Google still stands to be a powerful tool for internet users across the globe.It has had its fair share of ups and downs and criticisms all through the journey. Its unofficial tagline says,"Don't be evil!" So if we want the global village to be the best to live in, why be evil? Face it,today,every individual has to thank his stars for being born in a generation that uses Google at every stage.Imagine what we would do without Google. How would I have written this article and how would you have read it!

P.S:I'm not, in any way, connected to Google nor is Google to me. After all they're Google. They don't need any publicity or marketing of any kind. All this is the result of an argument and my experience of Google. 

---> KN

Sunday, April 3, 2011

This is what I did to make India win!

Sentiments play an important role and I contributed my best towards team India winning the world cup. Here is an account of what I did and what I thought I should do based on my past experience of watching high voltage and important matches.

-I made it a point not to stay at home for the toss and initial overs of the first innings. I came home well after the fifteenth over of SriLankan batting.

-I was continuously texting and facebooking during the Srilankan innings. I later realised that I didn't do that during the semi-finals. I threw my phone away, locked right after Sachin got out. Sorry sis! This is the reason why I didn't unlock my phone and give it to you!

-My dad arranged comfortable seating in front of the screen for viewing the match and I got it removed. That wasn't there during the T20 final! Sorry Dad! History in the making!

-I didn't use the washroom even though I had to.

-I saw to it that I lay flat on the couch while watching the crucial overs. I was sitting when India lost wickets.

-I didn't want to eat till the match ended. On my mom’s persistence, I ate, but only during the drinks break and in between the overs.

-I didn't use any world cup ringtones or wallpapers all through the tournament.

-I was continuously telling people that India would lose(though I knew for sure they would make it!)

-I stayed at home for the match rather that going out and watching it with ecstatic crowd. Victory is what we need! Not fun!

-I didn't change my clothes even after coming home. I watched the match in my formals only.

Sentiments that worked for India
-Sachin not hitting centuries in crucial matches.
-Dhoni's stats against Srilanka.
-Sreesanth in the final match even though Dhoni knew that he can't bowl well.
-The very dependable pair of Dhoni and Yuvaraj finishing.
-Rajnikanth attending the match!

Sentiments which people thought would work against India
-Starting as favourites.
-India losing the toss and bowling first.
-A very small percentage of chasing teams winning the world cup final.(2/9 previously)
-A century by the opposition in the first innings.

Well! We are Indians after all! Sentiments are a part and parcel of our life and we don't mind admitting them!

This is what I did to make India win. What did you do!?

Bleed blue! Forever!


Disclaimer:Bleed Blue and the logo belong to Nike.And I don't think they mind me using it in my post.And Nike, thank you very much for the phrase!We love it!