Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The MakeOver-A nerd's experience as a virtual barber

My mailbox was had nothing but bullshit!As a matter of fact,ever mail box does!

Though i keep opening it regularly,(I'm talking per hour basis) it still showed me 3479 unread messages.So i thought that it was time i give it a proper hair cut,trim some nails,wax few limbs and get it to a proper shape.So I became a beautician for the next three hours...I wanted my girl to look the way I want her to.......

And my work started.

Newsletters were many.They were from some websites I signed up previously(for no reason).The first thing I did was unsubscribe from them.They were courteous enough to give me a link to do that.

The next category of mails is from the social networking sites.Invitations to play farmville,wage some mafia wars,join groups(in fact I first couldn't decide whether to join 'Separate Telangana' or 'United Andhra' group.I went for the latter),support some cause,comments on posts,pictures.....what else and what not!Alas!People have started growing farms on their desktops!

In the midst of these are mails from few who send mails giving you sermons for life!(as if a single mail can change the way you live and think.My mom still shouts at me for not tidying my room.She has been doing this for the past 20 years and she will continue to do it till I get married and my wife starts hitting me for the same :P)Dude,send me those only after you succeed with those principles in life!

Another category of mails which annoys me the most are mails with pictures of gods which say "Send this to 20 people in the next 10 minutes.Otherwise bad luck will follow you!".Get some life guys!God is not tracking that mail!Is he really workless to curse you for no reason?First of all he is searching for people whom he can bless.There is a serious shortage of people doing something 'good'.On top of it,he is facing competition from the 'human' gods,coz the public at large are contended with blessings of gurus who do meditation in the morning and have sex in the evening,and those who cough up idols,produce gold,and who make ash using their fingers and not by burning wood(i think they have some environmental awareness).The worst part of it is that they pay those gurus for that when our own God is giving it to us for 'free'.

The next category of mails is the 'money making' mails.Why do you think that a dedicated wife would sit in-front of the computer and forward mails telling everyone that her husband is dying?All that she gets(according to the mail) is a mere 10 paise for every forward.It would take approximately 20 lakh mails for her to arrange a reasonably good amount of money for the treatment.By the time she gets the money is arranged,the requirement would only double or triple(and as if Yahoo has enough money to pay her and many others like her...........)

In addition to these are the promotions.I seriously don't know how these big companies can literally 'waste' so much of man power and money on their promotion.I use the word waste coz I can say without pausing even for a moment that 99% of us don't even care to open it.(I left the 1% because there are a few who are happy to find some mail or the other in their mail boxes).On top of that we are chased by them while watching TV,on the FM networks,through irritating phone calls during odd hours,SMS,in the newspapers,while standing in the bus,while sitting in the plane,while walking on the road,and even when pissing in the train!!!!!

Want Viagra at 80% off??Look into the Spam mail.From medical stuff to internet accounts,Spam is the best place for those people who want some real stuff!The positive aspect of the sex industry is the R&D that goes into developing products which increase the pleasure in a man or a woman.Every step takes them to a 'higher' level.Look at the range of products they offer man!(even girls.There are many in store for you too).I strongly feel that an A C Nielson committee should be appointed to make a monetary estimation of that industry.Atleast legalising it will bring the Government additional revenues in form of 'service' tax' and 'customs duty'.

Of many,the last category i would like to quote are mails from strangers telling me that their grandfathers had given my grandfather some money to be invested for making a profitable return,and that the investment has now become some millions!All that he wants is a mere 25%(of a few millions according to him) That would be the last thing that would happen to anyone! Who would want the Income Tax people to come knocking on your door and charge you for the taxes your fore-fathers didn't pay!(with interest of course.The tax payable may even turn out to be larger than what you would get!)

In the midst of these mails lie the cherished ones....It's like finding an Indian in Pakistan :P...........They are the mails which radiate love,share joy,and make you feel closer to the other person......They are not mails.They are what?For me....Invaluable!!!!! 


  1. Hahahahhaha .. !!tres bien .. !!

  2. i like ending!! for obvious reasons!

  3. i like ending!! for obvious reasons!


So....What do you think?